Writing about routines seems appropriate when we are coming out of a week where our routine has been seriously interrupted. Last week, I saw what it is like (for me and my kids) on the other side... the no routines side. It was not pretty.
I know there are many people who hear the word "routine" and shudder. I can honestly say that, having 3 children in 3 years, the one thing that has kept me sane (more than sane, actually loving life), apart from the grace of God, is following a flexible routine.
My baby routine is the most flexible of our routines. Miss 3 month's routine needs to fit around preschool drop off and pick up times, Bible study, play-group, daddy's work times... When 2.5, and even Mr 18 months were babies, there was not as much flexibility required. Having said that though, I have done pretty much the same thing with all three babies in the first 3 months.
Week 1:
Go with the flow
I am blessed that my husband has always had at least 2 weeks off work after the birth of each child. I have been in hospital for half of the first week each time. We have also been blessed with meals from our church family. All I need to focus on during that first week is following and observing what bub is doing.
Week 2:
Start introducing a 3 hour routine, with a lot of flexibility.
With my babies, this week has mostly been spent getting them to differentiate between night and day. During the day, I don't allow them to go longer than 3 hours between feeds (from the start of one feed to the start of the next). This sometimes involves waking a sleeping baby (Gasp! Horror!). At night, I let baby sleep until he/she wakes up.Although I am happy to wake baby for a feed, I am not happy to hold off feeds. If baby wakes earlier than 3 hours and is hungry, I feed.
Week 3 - 6:
Feed - wake - sleep
The most important part of the routine I follow is not watching the clock, but keeping things in a consistent order. I start following the feed-wake-sleep cycle from whenever baby becomes more alert and awake (which was from day one with Miss 2.5, day four-ish with Mr 18 months and about week 3-4 with Miss 3 months).
Basically, baby has a full feed, then is awake for up to an hour, then goes to sleep. Doesn't that sound simple? Those with babies of course know, that usually one (or all) components of the cycle are a bit harder than that (e.g. baby is not feeding well, baby falls asleep during the feed, baby won't go to sleep, baby has bad wind pain or reflux...). But I found with my babies that knowing where I am up to in the cycle helps me figure out how I should try to help an unsettled baby (e.g. if they just fed, probably don't try feeding again straight away or if they just woke up from a two hour sleep they are probably not crying because they are tired...)
By the way, don't believe any book that tells you that following the feed-wake-sleep cycle will ensure your baby sleeps through the night by x weeks of age. As I mentioned, I did this with all 3 babies. Miss 2.5 slept from after a 10pm feed - 6am from about 10 weeks, Miss 3 months has been doing the same thing from about 11 weeks. Mr 18 months however did not sleep through the night until after 8 months of age. Sleeping through the night is not really the goal!
Week 6+ (warning: includes gratuitous pictures of my little one):
1) Mix up the wake time:
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| Floor time - on back |
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| Tummy time |
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| A bouncer to watch the rest of the family in action |
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| Play with mummy/ daddy/ siblings |
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| Songs, stories |
2) Start a consistent bedtime routine.
For us this involves dinner, family Bible time, bath, story, kid's Bible, prayers (and later sharing time/ thank you God...with one parent). Miss 3 months usually has a feed just before our dinner, watches us have dinner then has a bath. Depending how tired she is after that she will go straight to bed or observe story, kid's Bible and prayer time.
3) Tell baby what is happening
e.g. "You're awake. Mummy is going to feed you now". "I'm putting you under the play-gym". "Let's go over on your tummy", "You are getting tired". "It's time for sleeping now". (No, baby won't understand you, but they are getting used to hearing your voice. It is a good signal/ warning that something is about to change.)
How do you feel? Do you love routines? Do they make you shudder? Or somewhere in between?
Very useful as I am about to have two under two! Do you limit the length of your feeds with your baby?
ReplyDeleteWe do the same thing. So yes, I love routine but am not held to it. Flexibility around a basic routine scaffold is what I aim for but am not upset if it is completely upset for the day. But I don't let the routine get completely upset for too many days in a row. I found I could get away with 2 days in a row but 3 days usually means chaos! I am fortunate in that my daughter 'lets me' change her routine around if life calls for it.
ReplyDeleteRoutine has also meant that other people can come in and pick up the routine so that my husband and I can go out on a date. My daughter will then go to sleep for someone else because the routine indicates to her it is time to sleep. She generally doesn't complain. I started training her to be left with other people from about 6 weeks of age for a few hours between breastfeeds. This has definitely payed off :) Ali
By nature I am anal retentive, so when I had my little man I didn't want to commit myself to any super strict routine as I felt like I'd be setting myself up for a fall (knowing that he wasn't going to fit in with me 100% but wanting him to). However, the number 1 most helpful piece of advice that I was given in the early days was from the Early Childhood nurse who said that newborns will only really want to play for an hour before going back to sleep. This really helped us to have a fluid structure that allowed us to have some plan in the day. I guess that has shaped my approach over the past 18 months - a flexible routine which allow both me and the little man to have some structure to plan around but also go where the day takes us.
ReplyDeleteHi @anonymous #1 - 2 under 2 is hard-going! I think for me that was harder at first than 3 under 3! (partly because of the personalities of my kids and partly because Miss Chatterbox wasn't walking yet when Mr. Cheeky came. It was really like having 2 babies.
ReplyDeleteI don't limit babies length of feeds, but I do make sure (after the first week) that they are actually feeding the whole time, not having a "suck and snooze". If they start nodding off I do all the things I've been told - re-attaching, undressing, tickling feet, rubbing cheek or under chin, using a cold washer... until they are ready to start feeding properly again. I have found with our babies that they are usually down to a 45 minute feed (both sides if breastfeeding) by week 2 and 30 minutes by week 4-ish. My two girls were only having about 12-15 minute feeds in total by 6 weeks. Mr. Cheeky took a little longer but was always sucking vigorously.
@Ali - good point. It is good to train bub to be left with others! I didn't do this enough with any of mine (also because I can't express very well and would be worried about getting stuck and baby being hungry), and now I find, not many people really want to mind 3 under 3, even for an hour or so!
@Megan - such good advice. There is nothing worse than a bub who is overtired. It is also good to recognise our personalities when thinking about parenting. Routines work well for me (I had one - sort of - pre-children anyway), but are so constraining for some people.
Hi there, I've been enjoying reading through your blog (linked to from somewhere I can't remember). I've got a 21 month old girl and a 3 week old boy.
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea of encouraging routines like this. With my first I generally just followed her patterns, and found that it took ages for any sort of routine to develop. With number 2 I'm definitely keen to try the things you suggested.
I'm finding though that he seems to want to be asleep all afternoon. Even though I wake him for feeds he's almost impossible to keep awake (except for the actual feeding part). I know he's only tiny... but it would be nice to encourage him to have his longer sleeps in the night time instead of afternoon! Any suggestions?
@Bron - Hi! Congratulations on your new arrival. Life is probably a bit of a blur for you at the moment. I know I feel that way in the first few sleep-deprived weeks.
ReplyDeleteRegarding keeping bub awake in the afternoon, I try things like undressing and nappy-off time, putting bub unwrapped on the floor (hard-ish) on his/her back (for some reason this seems to wake them up)... You could also try having day sleeps in a lighter area, near a window or in the pram, with a little more background noise, then having a quiet, dark environmnent at night.
For night feeds, once I am confident enough with breastfeeding, I don't turn the light on, but just scoop bub out of the basinette, feed, burp, only change nappy if very wet or dirty, then wrap and straight back to bed. Day feeds, I have obviously in a well-lit area, lots of interaction with bub, talking to bub, tickling hands and feet etc...
Also, at 3 weeks, my babies were usually awake for no more than an hour, (generally 45 minutes) before the next sleep. That included the feed. If your little one is still taking a while to feed, I probably wouldn't expect him to be awake for much more than the feed time for another week or so.
Hope that helps and you start getting some night sleep soon!
Hi Julie,
ReplyDelete-argh, my comment got lost when I went to post it! Thanks for your advice, that's really helpful. Yes, I just discovered it works well putting him on the floor when nothing else seems to keep him awake during a feed.
I'm not confident in the dark yet but have been lighting candle instead of switching on the lamp and that seems to work well. It probably helps me to fall back to sleep easier too!
I reckon we'll get there... he's feeding well and growing lots so that's all good. I think I'm just a bit eager because his sister tended to have longer blocks of sleep even early on and by 7 weeks started sleeping through of her own accord. Still I'm trying to make sure I'm not expecting that of this bub...
Thanks for your comments over on my blog (it's kind of abandoned now... we blogged all through our 3 years at college in Sydney but haven't kept it up since coming back home). It's great to have had such a positive experience living in that kind of area. I hope the new place works out well for you too.
:) Bron