Being counter-cultural: 3 kids and counting

 

I know there are some other blessed mummies out there who have had 3 children (or more) in quick succession. You may or may not have noticed it. Having 3 children under school-age is counter-cultural. People don't expect it.

It feels as though everywhere I go with my 3 little ones, we attract comments (or, at the very least, looks). I cannot seem to blend in with the other pram-pushing mummies and be just another one of the "stay at home mum" crowd. I am always judged as "busy", "with my hands full", "amazing", "brave"...

When my kids are following instructions, playing kindly, waiting quietly, speaking graciously, acting enthusiastically... the positive comments and the looks of affirmation come. I am "amazing", "doing a great job", "a natural mother".

But, as soon as one (or more) child steps out of line (as children are prone to do!), I am judged more harshly than a mother of one misbehaving child might be. After all, I brought this on myself. Behind the clicking tongues I can hear the thoughts... "She can't deal with one child, let alone three"

What annoys me most about being watched (or judged) in this way is not so much what other people say or do though. What annoys me is my own reaction. Basically, that I am just not good enough at being counter-cultural. I want to appear like all the other 30-something mums. I don't want to stand out all the time. I want to be what society expects me to be, for better or worse.

So, when I hear the same comments again and again, I say what (I think) people expect me to say. I almost apologise for having 3 children close in age.

When someone says I have my hands full, why do I give a rueful smile and roll my eyes? Why don't I say proudly "Yep, and I love it!" When someone asks if we planned our family this way (a pretty rude question really!), why do I sigh and say "not exactly..."? Why don't I say "Maybe not, but we couldn't be prouder or happier about how God planned it for us?"When someone asks if we plan to have anymore children, and I say "maybe", why do I have to rush on and say "but not for a while!"?

And, you know what the stupidest thing is? I am a Christian. I should be well-rehearsed in being counter-cultural. It is what God desires of all His people, not just the ones with 3 small children.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed through the renewing of your mind... Romans 12:2

Are you counter-cultural? How do you go with standing out?

I love to hear your opinions. Please click on the title of this blog post if you would like to view comments or add your own comment.

Tweet

Kids and play: more or less structure?

It is probably no secret that I love reading blogs. I especially love reading blogs about play and activities for kids. 

Lately, I had been feeling a little guilty that I haven't had time to do any of these activities with our kids. Our Miss 7 months and I have both had some health issues. The issues are nothing major, but have required follow-up and seemingly endless medical appointments. (From Monday 18th - Monday 25th July we attended 5 appointments!) With all the appointments, ongoing house stuff, and trying to keep up our usual routines for rest and housework, I have simply not made time to play together with my 2 bigger kids.

I took encouragement from a couple of posts I read this past week, prompting me to think that maybe our kids are actually benefiting from me reducing my input into their play.   

Over at one of my favourite blogs, 168 hours, Nicole is working through a book entitled 10 ways to destroy the imagination of your child. The most recent entry was on over-structuring our kids' time. This is something my husband and I have talked a lot about in terms of out-of-home activities, but definitely worth pondering whether we can over-structure our home environments too.

Another favourite blog you all know about - Be a Fun Mum - recently had this post which touched on reducing the mummy guilt over doing structured activities (or not) with our kids.

It has been funny to see what our kids do when I don't intervene in their play. In the past, I have often allowed them to make their own play outdoors, but for some reason, I structure their indoor time quite closely (probably something to do with my dislike of mess!). Over the past couple of weeks, of less structure, I have discovered one of the big kids' favourite activities is to get out all of the soft toys, dolls, bedding, books and dress-up clothes and create a 'party' in the lounge-room. While I still cringe inwardly over the clean-up involved, it is so much fun to overhear the plotting and planning for the 'party', to observe the dynamics between the 'toys' and hear the stories about how the 'toys' party together...

How do you find a balance between structured and unstructured play time? Do you think our kids need more free play?

 

I love to hear your opinions. Please click on the title of this blog post if you would like to view comments or add your own comment.

Tweet

Wordless Wednesday: Picture wall

 

This is the first wall you see when you walk through our front door. I am slowly working on this project. I plan to expand the picture gallery gradually as we get more photos, meaningful words or gifts worthy of and suitable for framing. 

My husband isn't a fan. He thinks the wall is too "busy". He is surprised that I like it, given I am generally more of a minimalist. I am enjoying the contrast of the "busy" wall against our general decorative style though. (And besides, this means I don't have to be too choosy about which photos I want to display).

What do you think? 

I'm joining Wordless Wednesday with My Little Drummer Boys

(I love comments! Please click the title of the post to view comments or write your own comment)

Tweet

Party for a 2-year-old

We have  been recovering from a busy  (long) weekend of toddler partying. Friday was spent preparing for Mr. 2's party. Saturday was spent partying (from 10am-12pm).  At 11:50am(ish) on Saturday, I succumbed to the 'flu, and spent Saturday afternoon and Sunday feeling all feverish, achy, and snotty-nosed...

For those planning a child's birthday party, I recommend the Internet as a source of inspiration. I must acknowledge 2 fabulous and well-known blogs - Planning with Kids and Be a Fun Mum - for general ideas and inspiration. Here is what we did:

1) Followed a theme

I was reluctant to have a Thomas the Tank Engine theme, although my 2-year-old is a bit of a fan. I think my reluctance was mostly because Thomas is so popular and overdone! The decision was made for me however when, in a hurry to get invitations out, I asked my husband to get some ready-made invitations. He chose Thomas the Tank Engine. In the end however, we ran with the theme and it was quite a lot of fun!

Although we did not buy specific Thomas the Tank Engine party merchandise (though my mum bought party hats), we kept to the theme with:

•  Blue and red coloured balloons, plastic plates
• The cake - I didn't want to do a train cake, as I did this for Mr. 2's 1st birthday party, so my friend Thora suggested another Thomas character. I went with Harold the Helicopter.

• Party boxes/ bags - I got plain red and blue boxes and used cut-outs from some "Thomas" wrapping paper to stick on the front of each box

• Cupcake toppers - again, cut-outs from wrapping paper, stuck on to toothpicks

• The outfit of the party boy!

2) Used the grandparents' house 

Wow, I was happy about this one! It didn't end up raining during the party, but it was looking pretty close. Our house would never have accommodated all the guests. Many of our guests were from our previous area, so my parents' house was closer for them anyway. The only disadvantage here was the worry about transporting food and toys, and having to get there pretty early on Saturday.

It was also great to have grandparents on hand to keep an eye on our children, (especially our  7-month-old) leaving time for Matt and I to run around, get things organised and chat to people.

3) Kept the food simple and child-friendly

I aimed the catering at the kids (though adults were more than welcome to eat too!). We had:

• Blue-iced cupcakes with "Thomas flags"

• Rice bubble slice, cut in the shape of trains, planes and boats
• Cheese sandwiches
• Watermelon and grapes
• Jelly cups
• Pop-tops
• The birthday cake

4) Kept the party time short

Considering we had 25 or so children, mostly 1-4 years of age, the kids were amazingly well-behaved. This may not have been the case if we had a longer party! Based on what I know of my own children, I think 2 hours is an ideal length of time for a toddler birthday party. Mornings are also better than afternoons. 10am-12pm was perfect.

5) Provided unstructured activity "centres"

I didn't want to make life difficult for myself by trying to run structured party games with toddlers. Instead, we had designated play areas. There was an outdoor mat with cars and trucks etc, a play-dough table, a colouring/ drawing table, a dress-up box (I don't think anyone used this), and some "little people" toys. As it turned out, the "random toy" area (with the toys from MY childhood) was most popular.

6) Kept the "formal bit" short

Kids don't want to listen to speeches when they could be playing and eating! A brief "Happy Birthday" time and present-opening is plenty for kids to observe

What are your best party tips for toddlers?

I love to hear your opinions. Please click on the title of this blog post if you would like to view comments or add your own comment.

(PS - I haven't included photos of guests (well, faces anyway) because I haven't permission to do so. If you were at the party and want to see some more photos, let me know and I'll email you or put something on my personal Facebook page... )

Tweet

Quick tip: Keeping baby warm

(The feet of a "onesie" poking out from the outer pants)

My first two babies were winter babies. Keeping very little babies warm in winter is not too hard. They don't move around a whole lot, and they are often sleeping, so can be wrapped in cosy wraps and blankets.

Older babies are a little more of a challenge. I recall with my first daughter, when she was approaching 12 months, it was a continual challenge for me to keep her feet and tummy warm. She was always kicking socks and shoes off. She was always reaching and moving around with her middle section becoming "un-tucked" and exposed.

With my son, I got a little more savvy. I started putting tights under his pants on the coldest days. Inevitably, his socks would be kicked off, but the tights would mean his toes were always covered.

With Miss 7 months, I have a new strategy, enabling both her tummy AND toes to stay warm: the terry-towelling onesie! 

I have never been a huge fan of the terry-towelling onesie as an outer garment. My kids have always had millions of them, and have worn them as pyjamas in winter. At the moment, poor Miss 7 months lives in hers full-time. She gets a new onesie after her bath each evening. In the morning, her sleeping bag is removed and replaced (after a nappy change) with a set of clothes (pants and a top or even a dress). The onesie stays under the clothes, providing full-body coverage and warmth.

Why didn't I think of that 3 years ago?

How do you keep your babies warm over winter?

(I love to hear your opinions. Please click on the title of this blog post if you would like to view comments or add your own comment).

Tweet

Wordless Wednesday: Organising

After trawling the Internet for ideas on storing and organising small spaces, I am making the most of our space. This house is smaller than our old house, but I feel much more efficient and organised with our space. (I'll write more about what I have learned when it is not Wordless Wednesday!)

Joining with My Little Drummer Boys

Tweet

Recipe of the week - Pineapple Dessert Cake

Mr. almost-2 is now Mr. 2. Although we are having a birthday party on Saturday, we like to have family celebrations on the actual birth date. I decided to try this pineapple dessert cake from the Aldi cookbook. It was easy, and everyone devoured it. The boys of the family were particularly partial to it!

Pineapple Dessert Cake

Ingredients: 

(Cake)

1 432g(!) can pineapple chunks, drained

125g butter, softened

1/2 cup Castor sugar

2 eggs

1 cup self-raising flour

(Topping)

1/3 cup plain flour

1/3 cup white sugar

30g butter

2 tablespoons flaked almonds (we used walnuts because that is what we had)

Method:

Preheat oven to 180 degrees C, and line a cake tin with non-stick baking paper

Place the drained pineapple chunks in a food processor and process until finely chopped (not pureed)

Place butter and Castor sugar in a bowl. Beat together until pale and creamy

Add eggs and continue to beat until combined

Add self-raising flour and pineapple and stir to combine

Transfer to prepared tin

Combine the topping ingredients and process in a food processor until mixture resembles breadcrumbs

Spread topping over the cake mixture and slightly press into the top

Bake for 40 minutes

Stand 10 minutes before turning out to cool

Serve warm with a dollop of cream or ice-cream

Tweet

Outdoor play for toddlers (when you don't feel like being outdoors)

When you live in a small house, with 3 very young kids, there comes a time in every day when you have to get outside. Some days this is much easier to do than other days. Sometimes, the kids are itching to get out, but I would rather be sitting on the lounge.

We do have "harder to get outside" days around here (too cold, too wet, too windy too hot). On the "hard to get out" days, even spending 5-10 minutes outdoors seems to make a huge difference to my mood, and the behaviour of our kids.

A few ideas for getting outside when you can't be bothered:

1) Play on the verandah or under cover

 

2) Bring the "inside toys" outside

3) Go for a slow stroll. Hunt for "treasure" (e.g. leaves, pieces of grass, stones, flowers)

4) Play at the park (or even a MacDonald's playground)

5) Bring out the "outside toys" - bikes, ride on cars, trolleys, balls, buckets and spades. Get something started, then your toddlers will entertain themselves and each other while you can potter around (or read a book or a blog!)

6) Let the kids imagine. My kids can spend up to an hour "cooking", "shopping", "building" with rocks, sticks pieces of sawdust, grass. It is amazing to watch the play they invent for themselves. (This is more suitable/ easier for kids over 2)

7) Do your routines outside (in nice weather)

• Bring out a picnic rug and have lunch (or morning tea, or afternoon tea) outdoors   
• Set out a few chairs to fold and sort the washing in the sun
• Peel and chop the vegetables for dinner 
• Have reading time outside on a picnic rug

8) Do an outdoor job - wash the car, wash the dog, feed the dog, hang washing

What do you do on the "harder to get out" days?

(PS - I keep forgetting to say: Click on the title of the post to read and/ or post a comment!)

Tweet

Go the f*** to sleep: Imperfect parenting vs perfect sacrifice

If you have been living under a rock you may not have heard about "Go the f*** to sleep". (Don't worry, I don't think you are missing much). The story is written in the rhythm, rhyme and style of a children's book (which is where the humour comes from), but expresses, in colourful language, a  parent's frustration at trying to get a child to sleep. This version is read by Samuel L. Jackson. Apparently there is also a reading by Noni Hazlehurst (a Play-school presenter from my childhood), that was censored and removed from the internet. 

I have not actually viewed the entire clip. I find the sentiment quite funny, but I just can't make myself listen to so much gratuitous use of the "f" word. I can't stand bad language. Having said that, I doubt there are many parents around who have not felt the emotions expressed in the clip. (This is probably why the clip seems to be so popular and so frequently shared among parents).

After spending a day of exhausting all my energy and enthusiasm with our kids, I just love the moment of getting the kids to bed, having a nice cup of coffee, and sitting on the lounge with my husband. By about 6pm every night, I find myself excitedly anticipating the evening - when I won't have to take someone to the toilet, or get someone a drink, or swap the toys over, or break up a fight or... 

It is probably because of this sense of anticipation, that I can become so frustrated when one (or more) of the kids WILL NOT GO TO SLEEP! And yes, we hear similar excuses to those mentioned in "Go the f... to sleep" (e.g. drinks, toilet needs, cold, hot, dolls wanted, dolls not wanted...)

***

But today I read something that challenged this attitude as a Christian parent. It is from this article.

The whole article is brilliant, but this bit particularly resonated:

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.

It got me thinking about how Jesus relates/ related to us (which was kind of alluded to, but not specifically stated in the article). Did Jesus think about His hopes and His future (or even his spoilt evening) when he went to the cross? Did he think it annoying or frustrating that he had to lay down his life for us? Did he think "okay, I'll love them and serve them this much, but after 7:30pm, that is my time"?

Um... no! 

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that bought us peace was upon him and by his wounds we are healed (Isaiah 53: 4-5)

And, did Jesus give up his life only for non-frustrating children? For those who loved him, and showed gratitude to him, and treated him well?

Um... no!

He was despised and we esteemed him not (Isaiah 53: 3b)

As a Christian parent, I am called to be like Jesus. This means that I am called to lay down my life for others, especially my children. My life is not my own. My evenings are not my own. God may choose to extend grace to me and grant me an evening with 3 perfectly sleeping children. But, he might not. 

Too often I have the selfish attitude expressed in the imperfect parent - the "Go the f*** to sleep" attitude. But, God has called me to a different attitude... to lay aside my needs for the needs of my children, to lay aside my desires for those of my children, to lay aside my peace and quiet and to sacrifice myself for my children. 

And, even this would be a poor reflection in comparison to what Jesus has done for me.

Tweet

Recipe of the week - Cottage Pie

One thing I love about the Aldi cookbook is that it contains a version of almost all the staple recipes we all know and love. You can use the book with the recipe exactly as written, or add your own variations for the food you already cook regularly.

We took the book away with us on our holiday last week. It provided the dinner recipes for the week. We fed 4 adults and 4 children, with lots of variety, and plenty of food leftover.

A favourite from the week was probably the menu from our first night:

Cottage Pie

(Wording slightly varied from cookbook)

Ingredients (Meat Sauce)

1 tbs olive oil
2 tsp minced garlic
1 onion, chopped finely
1 medium carrot, grated or finely chopped
500g beef mince
1 jar pasta sauce
2 tbs dried parsley
Salt and pepper

(Potato Topping)

The book recommends using a pack of instant mashed potato. I've never used this product, so I'm not sure what it would be like. The topping I used varies from the cookbook.

4-5 large potatoes, peeled and chopped
1 tbs butter
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup grated cheese
Oil spray


Method:

For meat sauce: Heat oil in a fry-pan over medium heat
Add garlic, onion and carrot and cook 2 minutes
Add beef mince and cook until well browned
Tip out excess fat
Stir in pasta sauce and parsley
Bring to the boil, then reduce heat and simmer 10 minutes
Season with salt and pepper

For potato topping: Boil the potatoes for 12-15 minutes until soft
In a bowl, combine cooked potato, butter and milk
Mash potato with butter and milk

Spray a large baking dish with oil spray
Pour the meat sauce into the dish
Top with the potato topping
Sprinkle with grated cheese
Bake for 40 minutes, until potato is golden brown
Serve immediately with green vegetables or salad

(Photo borrowed from here)

Tweet

Wordless Wednesday: Fun in the sun

I'm joining Wordless Wednesday at My Little Drummer Boys.

Tweet

Christians (should) have more sex: Discuss

Last week, I was chatting with a long-time friend - a fellow Christian, fellow wife and fellow mother. 

We spent a lot of time talking about how to be more godly, more loving, more gentle, more servant-hearted, more engaged wives and mothers.

We also spent time talking about how Christian mums and wives should be (and shouldn't be) different from our non-Christian friends.

One area we talked about was this.

My friend recalled a conversation with her mother's group friends (mostly not Christian), where many of them confessed (or in some cases, proudly asserted) that they had not had sex with their husbands/ partners since about halfway through their pregnancies. At the time, I believe their babies were 8 or 9 months old.

That is close to a year in a marriage/ long-term relationship without sex.

I have heard similar stories from some of my non-Christian friends (not ALL, only SOME). I'm sure there are similar stories in Christian marriages/ relationships too, but maybe they are not shared as readily or so proudly asserted.

My friend commented; "There must be a lot of sad husbands out there". And, I would suggest, a lot of sad relationships.

**************************************

It is pretty annoying that Christians are perceived to be prudish, anti-sex, etc when we are (or should be) the ones having all the sex (within marriage). {I say this in a purely general sense, I'm not revealing any personal details}

Here is why:

• God takes a very high view of sex. He made it. He wants married couples to use it and enjoy it. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another… (1 Corinthians 7:3-5) 
• Sex strengthens the bond of a relationship and makes the relationship closer. (Generally speaking, this is particularly the case for men, sort of like a fantastic conversation strengthens a relationship for women).
• Sex is an important way for married couples to serve each other
• Constantly withholding or denying sex is not only discouraging, but hurtful to your husband/ wife and impacts your relationship (negatively)
• Constantly withholding sex makes it harder for a marriage to stand up against external temptation (flirtation from other people, pornography)

It is not always easy to make sex a priority in a marriage. In reality, there is tiredness, illness, interruptions from children... Of course, there are situations in some marriages (illness, disability etc) where it is impossible to make sex a regular part of the marriage. But, in general, it honours God when sex is a regular part of Christian marriages. 

And, I don't think this is exclusive to Christian marriages. It seems to me that all marriages/ long-term relationships benefit from following God's advice in this area.

I have a lovely and very wise non-Christian friend. When this came up in conversation following my old blog post (the link above), she remarked (something like) "I don't know why I am so reluctant to have sex at times. My husband does heaps of things for me that he doesn't always feel like doing (e.g. changing nappies, taking out garbage). I don't understand why I find it hard to make the same effort for him in this area." Give and take.

Christians (should) have more sex: Discuss

Tweet

Useful Boxes

Our useful boxes

Fellow fans of ABC's play-school may be familiar with the song:

Bags, bags, bags... they're very useful things. If we didn't have bags, what would we use to put a lot of things in?

I have decided I want to re-write the lyrics. It doesn't fit with the rhythm quite as well, but the alternative...

Boxes, boxes, boxes... they're very useful things... etc.

Some of you may remember the mistakes I made last time we had a family holiday. My organisation was all wrong, wrong, wrong. Among the mistakes I made, probably the biggest mistake was to put all of our kids' clothes and shoes into one large bag. The whole time we were away, trying to find anything for any of the kids was a major and frustrating operation. 

Following this experience, some of you gave me some fantastic ideas for making life easier. Then, my mother-in-law stepped in with a suggestion, which she learned from her sister-in-law (e.g. my husband's aunt, who did a lot of 4WD holidays with her husband and 3 sons)

BOXES!!!!

More specifically, one box (I think my husband's aunt used milk crates) is assigned to each child. All clothing, towel, toiletries, toys and books for the child needs fits into this one box. (We were not quite as strict, and did take two separate "green" bags for toys and books).

Advantages:

• Stacks easily for packing into the car (may be better for a taller car, or car with a larger boot space)
• Using transparent boxes or milk crates means that everything is easy to find
• If you do washing while away, leave the lids off the boxes and easily throw clean clothes into each box when sorting
• Clothes don't tend to get as creased as when squashed into bags

Obviously, this probably won't work for any holidays involving flying or travelling on public transport, but for car trips... brilliant!

Do you have any more holiday tips?

Tweet