For perfectionists (like me), it is easy for even our most well-motivated endeavours (e.g. for an enjoyable Jesus-focussed Christmas) to draw our attention from our most important goal: becoming more like Jesus.
Naomi Green (who happens to be my sister-in-law's sister) wrote to me yesterday about how God reminded her of the most important goal - while she was trying to prepare some advent activities for her family! I'm really thankful for Naomi taking the time to share this...
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Inspired by Julie’s advent calendar, plus a few other’s I’d seen around the blogs, I was pretty pumped to make December one big feast of memorable activities and moments with my kids that reminded us of the story so much more miraculous and awe inspiring than a fat man pulled through the sky by flying reindeer.
Armed with my organised list (securely on my phone), and visions of a myriad of crafted angels dangling over our dining table, a garland of stars and advent candles, I set out with my precious bundles to do some shopping. I was very excited about December! My list really wasn’t that long. I had a lot of the items at home. I’d packed snacks, a big drink bottle, along with the sling and the double pram.
Now, I am very aware my kids aren’t perfect, and I don’t expect them to be ‘good’. And it wasn’t as if they were monsters, but my excitement about a magical and organised December soon gave way to something else. Reality.
I understand that the shops are very distracting for little kids (5,3 and 1), and especially at Christmas, but this was torture. I did prep them, reminding them that we can look and point and that they can show me the fun things they see, but we don’t touch.
Nevertheless, I spent much of my time saying ‘please put that down, remember we don’t touch, you can point, but don’t pick it up’ about the same things which were handled time and again. (The one inflatable Santa was probably touched/pulled/prodded/flattened 25 times as my son repeatedly ignored and disobeyed me). In between dealing with complaints for a variety of petty things, the rest of the time was spent saying; ‘Please stay close to me, hold the pram, please hold each other’s hand to keep safe , don’t run and hide from me in the shops please’, and calling their names as calmly as I could when they’d run off. I literally had no respite from this.
As we left one shop, my kids pulled some display items over, creating a mess (which I cleaned), and I was met with condescending looks and impatient sighs by other customers who wanted to make their purchase and be on their way. (Oh, and trying to make sure the baby in the sling stopped destroying whatever item I was considering while I was distracted with the older two.)
I also realised that Mr 3 had downed the whole drink bottle, which was to share. He is known to ‘let go’ at the most inconvenient of times. I was expecting a rather large flood at the gates and so we also needed to include an extra toilet stop which I hadn’t planned for.
Though I did make some purchases (like the tinsel garland I had to buy because my son damaged), I didn’t have much mind space left to think about what I was buying, which aisle to get what I needed, let alone pick up my list to remember what was on it. And, what I needed for tomorrow, I didn’t have time to get.
In the end, we left the shops considerably empty handed, with grumpy kids who wanted a ride in the wiggles car and who complained that they were hungry, though only because they saw the snacks I’d brought. I had totally forgotten about them because the kids weren’t obedient for long enough to give my poor brain a minute to stop! And, it was dinner time and my husband was already home. Pretty much, disastrous.
But, I was graciously reminded that during the whole ‘ordeal’ I was patient, forbearing, kind, gentle, forgiving, yet clear and firm. I took responsibility for the mess they made, yet I didn’t yell or lose it with them. This isn’t always who I am.
As we walked to the car, Miss 5 asked questions like ‘did we get the fruit?, aren’t there still more things to buy? why didn’t we get to have our snacks?’ I was able to explain that although Mummy had planned on doing more things at the shops, I hadn’t been able to because I was making sure I kept my kids safe. I asked her whether she had obeyed me. Whether she had come when I asked, touched things I’d asked her not to, knocked her brother over. I explained that I was sad to have not done other things too, but that it’s when we work as a team that we can get things done and enjoy things so much more.
And as we climbed into the car, and I buckled in the baby, I asked them, in the same calm voice, to hop in their seats and put their straps on. Miss 5 said ‘Ok Mum’, and for the first time that afternoon, obeyed me. Happily.
Usually a shopping trip like that would have ended up with a grouchy Mum, three grumpy and whiney kids and an evening that was ruined. I was so thankful that as I spoke patiently and peacefully to my kids, I modeled how to respond in the midst of carnage. And I marvelled at God’s wisdom, and how He turned their hearts to want to be obedient, not being manipulated into it.
If Christmas becomes more about the perfect celebration than about using the chaotic times to become more like the one we are celebrating, we’ll probably end up grouchy on Christmas day!
