I've got a secret to share with you all... I can't control my kids.
And I've got news for you... you can't control your kids either.
Maybe you have known this ever since you began your parenting journey. I am a slow learner.
I know I'm not the only one who was fooled into thinking I could be/ should be in control. The idea of parental control is evident in the whispers of other parents, or non-parents; "She can't control her kids". It is there in the judgements we make pre-children; "My kids will never...". It is there when the parents of now-grown children recall their parenting days; "When we were kids, we would never even think of..." or "Our children knew they would never get away with...". It was there a few months ago, when after a particularly bad display at one of our family Christmas gatherings, my aunt threatened my Miss 3; "If you don't stop those tantrums, you will get a good hiding". (Fortunately, I don't think Miss 3 understood what a 'hiding' was, and she was too tired to ask me about it).
I have read a lot about parenting. I have learned some great strategies. I have continued to pray for wisdom and guidance in my parenting. But, no matter how many strategies I learn, no matter how consistent I am in their implementation, and no matter how much I pray, I cannot really control my kids. Sure, I can give the appearance of being in control. Most of the time, I can make my kids do what I want them to do. But I cannot always control what they do. And, though I can influence them, I cannot control their hearts and their attitudes. And, I don't want to.
I don't want to control my kids because I want to them to learn self-control.
There is a problem though. Self-control is not learned overnight. This is a long process. I am 32 years old (almost 33) and I still struggle with self-control. I can hardly be surprised when my 1, 2 and 3 year olds struggle with it too.
In learning self-control, my kids make mistakes. They may hurt or say unkind things to each other. They may have tantrums. They may even have tantrums in public. I may look like I'm not in control... because I'm not. But I'm slowly learning that it is okay.
What do you think about parental control? Are the kids of today 'out of control'?
