It is not really a secret that I am a pretty cerebral-type person... a head-thinker, not a heart-thinker.
My husband and I are a bit of an unusual couple in that way. I wouldn't say he is particularly heart-led either, but more so than me. The stereotype tells me it should be the other way around, with a wife being more emotional, and a husband more cerebral.
Being cerebral, I am also a head-problem-solver. Whenever I have a problem, my first port-of-call is to have a good old think about it. And that is how I initially respond to every parenting 'blip' that comes up on my radar. For example...
My husband and I are a bit of an unusual couple in that way. I wouldn't say he is particularly heart-led either, but more so than me. The stereotype tells me it should be the other way around, with a wife being more emotional, and a husband more cerebral.
Being cerebral, I am also a head-problem-solver. Whenever I have a problem, my first port-of-call is to have a good old think about it. And that is how I initially respond to every parenting 'blip' that comes up on my radar. For example...
This is what went down on Sunday:
After enforcing some boundary or another with Miss 4...
Miss 4: Well... I'm not going to let you be my grandma.
Me: What... what grandma?
Miss 4: I mean, when I have my own babies. You can't be my grandma. I'll find another grandma.
Me (confused): Okay, just sit down, we're having dinner.
Later (when Miss 4 was in bed):
Me to Matt: Did you hear what [Miss 4] said to me before dinner? Where does she get this stuff from? Wow.
Matt: Mmm
Me: I still need to get better at giving her the reasons behind my instructions, rather than reverting to the 'do as I say' approach. She doesn't respond to that at all. Do you think I'm too harsh with her?
Matt: You know, I think you just need to stop over-thinking it. Stop aiming for her head. Stop aiming to rationalise with her all the time. Aim for her heart instead.
Me: What am I missing?
Matt: I mean, just enjoy her. How often do you give her a cuddle 'just because' - not when it is bedtime or not because she is hurt or angry or something...etc...?
The conversation continued.
Maybe this sounds like a difficult thing for me to hear. But this was not at all offensive coming from my husband. And, I know he is right. Sometimes I need to stop analysing and stewing and over-thinking and worrying... and just love. Go for her heart, not her head.
Are you a head-thinker? Do you ever get caught up in 'thinking' and forget about 'feeling'? Are you getting to your kids' hearts?
