Today, I'm cuddling my kids.

I was going to post a Wordless Wednesday post today - some pictures of our kids making mess and having fun.

Then last night, a link on Facebook sent me blog hopping. I read and read and read. Blogs written by women who have experienced significant loss in their lives. Blogs about losing husbands - suddenly, or through long-term illness. Blogs about sick children. Blogs about the grief of watching a child dying. Blogs about the aftermath of having a child die. Heart-breaking stuff. Stuff that I pray you and I never have to experience.

Last night (pre-blog surfing), I wrote a to-do list for today. It was the usual - drop Miss 3 at preschool, pay preschool fees, return note about duck-hatching program, groceries, Bible study, clean toilet, dinner for tonight, prep dinner for Thurs/ Fri... I'll probably still do most of these things, but I have a very important addition:

Love and appreciate my children, and make sure they know it. Play, read, cuddle, pray, smile a lot, laugh a lot. 

It is way too easy for me to focus on the to-dos, to measure my day by how many ticks I have on my list, to get frustrated when my children hinder my plans... today it will be different. Today, being mindful of the absolute blessing I have in 3 healthy children, an involved and caring husband, and a loving God, I'm thankful.

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10 applications of Murphy's Law in parenting

According to Wikipedia, Murphy's law is an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong". It all sounds a little bit pessimistic to me, but I must admit, there are many moments in parenting when Murphy's law seems to apply.

Here are a few examples:

1. The amount of time involved in setting up and cleaning up an activity is inversely proportional to the time your children will spend engaged in that activity.

2. Ditto with meals. The amount of preparation and clean-up time involved in a meal is inversely proportional to the amount that will be eaten.

3. Your children may be playing cooperatively, calmly and kindly, but, as soon as you pick up the telephone, chaos will descend.

4. If you try to settle yourself in for a longer toilet visit (perhaps even with a book!), your not-long-toilet-trained child/ren will suddenly be "busting".

5. During afternoon rest time, if you dare allow your eyelids to rest, your children will urgently require your attention.

6. Weet-bix will stick like mortar to any and all surfaces. Your children will spread this substance, more than any other, on every available surface. You will always miss at least one bit of the sticky substance when wiping the table/ high-chair. An intricate and long-winded removal process will be required days later.

7. Your children, with above-mentioned weetbix in hand, will suddenly need to rub their hands all over their face, hair and clothing.

8. When you have cleaned and dressed your child/ren for church, a birthday party or other special occasion, they will suddenly have the urge to (a) play in the sandpit, (b) eat a chocolate biscuit, or particularly juicy strawberries or (c) find the paint/ textas or gluesticks.

9. When you are desperate to be on time for any occasion, there will always be a last minute (a) nappy change, (b) incident involving any other bodily fluid, (c) a missing item of special importance (dummy, teddy, drink bottle). You will only realise the significant item is missing when you are over halfway to your destination. 

10. When compiling the outfit for your child to wear to above special occasion, one key component of the outfit will be found in either (a) the bottom of the dirty clothes basket or (b) hanging wet on the clothesline. This will be discovered 5 minutes before you need to leave.

How do you see the Law of Murphy at work in your parenting?

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Weekend-ing

Swimming:

Car-racing:

Bushwalking:

Conquering the wide ladder at the park (Mr 2):

A pretty good weekend, even despite some solo child-wrangling on Friday night, Saturday and Saturday night, while my husband was at a Christian convention. Thanks Grandparents. Single mums (or mums who have husbands away regularly)... I salute you.

How was your weekend?

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Teaching Jesus to our kids: Some helpful resources

Today, I'm sharing over at Life on a Hill

What a privilege it is for parents/ carers to be able to share Jesus with our little ones. It is too important a task to leave the responsibility to Sunday School teachers or our church (although they might, and usually do, do a fabulous job!). It is the job of a Christian parent to keep our own relationship with God strong, model this to our children and teach them how they can know God for themselves.

I am mum to 3 little ones: aged 3 and 3/4, 2 and 1/2 and 1. Modelling and sharing our faith with our kids is something we aim to do daily. There are so many wonderful resources available to help us do that. Here are 6 resources that we find invaluable at our house, equipping us and helping us teach Jesus to our kids: 

(Click to read more at Life on a Hill)

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Walking in the bush,

... walking in the bush. There is nothing quite like it... walking in the bush!

We do a bit of "bush-walking" most weekends these days. We really only use fire trails, or really well-worn paths, and only go for about 1 hour at a time (And, that is one hour at 2 and 3-year-old pace... we don't go far!).

Personally, I don't consider myself a huge fan of bush-walking. I have done some serious bush-walking in my time, but only when it was truly necessary in order to see something (e.g. I walked the Tongariro Circuit and the Milford Sound, both in NZ). These days, enjoying the bush at the pace set by a 2 and 3-year-old is about right for me!

But, I just wouldn't miss watching Matt with our kids in the bush. He explains things  and points out little features that I would overlook. He helps them jump over the big puddles (quite a few of those around these days). He helps them find "bush-walking sticks" on the ground and breaks them until they are the appropriate height. 

There is something so lovely about watching a parent impart a passion to their children. Matt takes time to pass his enjoyment of the outdoors on to our children. And, I'm not sure if it is just the enjoyment of daddy's undivided attention, or a genuine enjoyment of the bush, but I can see Miss 3 and Mr 2 soaking it all up too. None of this is over-thought, and none of it is planned. It is just the natural result of Matt's passion overflowing to our children. The passion and enthusiasm is contagious.

This makes me wonder what passion(s) my children 'catch' from me. I want to think they would catch a passion for Jesus, for other people, for my husband and family. I hope they will not just catch my passion for organisation or tidiness, or busyness, or finding things on the internet. But sadly, maybe sometimes my enthusiasm for these more trivial/ frivolous things bubbles over more than my enthusiasm for my true priorities...

What passions do you want to pass on to your children?

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Children get angry too

I've finally finished reading through Dr. Ross Campbell's How to Really Love your Child (I blogged about it without actually reading it many moons ago...)

The whole book (almost) is absolutely fantastic. but, the most convicting part for me was on Loving your angry child. I can assure you, we have angry children here from time to time! I don't think I've dealt with my kids' anger very well.

Part of what has made anger hard for me to deal with is the personalities of both Matt and I. Neither of us is particularly prone to loud displays of anger. This is not to say we don't get angry, but, when we express it inappropriately it is usually by whinging or passive aggression, rather than shouting or active aggression. (Though I do shout at my children more than I like!). My childhood family was similar to this. I'm not really used to loud tantrums, shouting etc

Consider what we (as adults) do when we feel angry. There are usually three options:

• We repress the anger - (and usually bring it out later)
• We express the anger in an appropriate way - negotiation/ discussion/ maybe a self-imposed time-out
• We express the anger inappropriately - aggression, whinging, blaming someone else...

Children need to operate the same way. They can express anger (appropriately or inappropriately) or repress their anger.

I realise that I have (sub-consciously) been making my children repress their anger. While repressing anger works in the short-term, it doesn't really do much for the child, and for relationships in the long-term.

I have been making my children repress their anger by:

• Immediately squashing (or trying to squash) any signs of anger or grumpiness ("say that with a happy voice", "show me your happy face")
• Immediately squashing inappropriate displays of anger ("Stand up. We do not throw ourselves on the ground", "Stop that. We don't hit...", "If you can't play kindly, you will play by yourself" etc)
• Not providing an alternative, appropriate outlet for anger (discussion, providing ideas for alternatives...)
• Meeting anger with anger - escalating, rather than resolving the situation

Ironically, while I was writing this post (about 2 paragraphs ago), God gave me the opportunity to try something different. One of my children was upset with another and began repeatedly hitting the other on the back until the 'victim' screamed out. My normal response would have been the "If you can't play nicely, you will play by yourself" or "Go and sit on your bed" or similar. Basically, expressing my own anger.

I did not handle the situation perfectly this time around either (I need practice!), but in attempting to calmly re-direct, rather than squash my child's anger, I got a much better response (and hopefully, won't be breaking up another hitting incident in 5 minutes time!). 

• I took my "perpetrator" from the situation (after making sure the 'victim' was okay)
• I gave him/her a hug (identity protected!). 
• I expressed that I could see that my child was angry. 
• I asked what made him/her angry (this question will not always get a response - even adults find it hard to identify triggers to anger sometimes)
• I asked how my child expressed his/her anger (what did you do when you felt angry?)
• We discussed other things we could do when we are angry (e.g. using words, removing ourselves from the situation, stomping our feet, scrunching up our fists, calling out to mummy for a cuddle...)
• I then did keep the children separated for about 5 minutes so the situation could diffuse a little - but this was discussed as a 'helping' strategy rather than a punishment.

I will be interested to see how this strategy continues to work in future. It certainly felt much better and more productive than simply punishing an angry child, meeting his/her anger with my own, or squashing anger...

How do you deal with angry children?

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Kids' messy space

Our kids (like most kids) love making mess. Not only do they love it, but I must say, they are quite gifted in the making-mess department. There is really no better way to make mess than with paint, and stamps and ink, and stickers, and glue, and tiny bits of cut paper...

With mess being inevitable, it is probably obvious that I do not want our kids to do their messy, crafty activities in their bedrooms (carpeted) or in the lounge room (on the rug), but I still want them to do them! Enter, the messy space...

I was inspired by finding some "art spaces" online. If you know where to look online, inspiration abounds...

Credit

Credit

Sadly, I knew that our messy space would not be as beautiful as the spaces above. For space reasons, we needed to construct our messy space in our old fibro (detached) garage. There are no internal walls (e.g. plasterboard walls) on the garage, so you have to look at the back of the sheet fibro, which isn't too pretty. The lighting is also not brilliant in the garage, so we usually keep the roller door open when we play in there. I didn't want to spend much money on the space, so I needed to use what we had available. (I think the only things I bought were the plastic tubs you will see on the bottom edge of the blackboard/ easel).

Here is what we have ended up with:

The table and chairs originally belonged to Matt's grandma. (The table is one of those marble-type topped ones, that are very retro and fashionable apparently!). 

This was a wooden shoe-rack purchased several years ago at a discount store (I think it was $10). We used old jars and tins to store some essential art supplies. You may notice our foam box gardens from a while ago. They were on their sides to dry, after we had a little rain leak through the roof onto them. (We have since disposed of these!)

The wire drawer set was used in a wardrobe at our old house. I think they are available at Big W for about $40, or Bunnings or similar. The drawers are organised with paper craft and stickers in the bottom drawer, paint and paint brushes/ rollers etc above that, jars of bits and pieces above that (googly eyes, pom poms, pipe cleaners, feathers etc), and tubs with stamps, ink, spare chalk, spare crayons etc in the top.

I originally painted this old sandpit cover (marine plywood) to use as an outdoor chalkboard. We haven't figured out where we want it outside yet (or how to attach it), so for now, it is in our art space (easy to nail to the internal beams). Above the blackboard, we attached a curtain wire (about $2 from IKEA). This was a space to hang artworks. In this picture we were still using the hooks that came with the wire, but the kids can't use these hooks themselves (too fiddly), and they kept falling off the wire. I have since removed these and we use regular clothes-pegs to hang artwork.

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This rod was already attached between two beams - made a perfect place for long paper sheets. The coat hanger/ mobile attached to the cupboard was inspired by an episode of play-school. Miss 3 insisted on making it for Miss 1, although Miss 1 was a little old for a mobile by the time we did it.

IKEA again! Easel approx. $20 It has a whiteboard on one side and a blackboard on the other. A paper roll (also from Ikea) can be attached underneath for drawing with pencils/ crayons/ textas too. I bought the attached plastic storage containers when we did the office space in our bedroom. I think they are about $2 each, also from IKEA.

Inspired by Nicole from Planning with Kids over a year ago... a box of recycling materials - for general play, construction or craft. (Can you tell we shop at ALDI?!)

We set up our art space around August - September last year and used it a lot last year. I have found the kids aren't quite as desperate to do art at home now that they do a bit at daycare/ preschool, but we probably still get in there and get messy about once a fortnight or so... definitely worth it on rainy days!

Do you have a designated place for messy play?

Sometimes the comment icon does not display at the end of posts. If you would like to read or write a comment, you may have to try clicking on the title of the blog post to display comments. Hope that works!

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The bed-time thing

Wasting time on Facebook this evening, I noticed that Louisa Claire was discussing (and asking for) tips on coping with the bed-time routine...

I don't want to boast, but I (usually) love the bed-time routine. Mostly because:

1. The kids will be asleep soon, and it is almost RELAX time
2. We get special snuggles, chats, stories, Bible and prayer-time

Now, I admit, I am at a distinct advantage during the bed-time routine:

1. My husband is almost always around helping
2. My kids are all still very little and are all ready for bed by 7pm
3. Now that the 2 bigger kids have almost completely dropped their afternoon sleeps (they still have 'rest' time for 1 hour), they crash pretty much straight away.

Nonetheless, I will share a few tips that help make our bed-time routines run more smoothly:

1) We have (finally, in my case) learned to 'let go' of sleep stress. We cannot make our children sleep. We can only provide the optimum environment for sleep (e.g. in their beds, with lights out, toys to snuggle). I used to get quite worked up about them not going to sleep, and start mentally projecting forward (e.g. "we have a busy day tomorrow... they are going to be over-tired and difficult...").  Often my projections were exaggerated anyway.

2) We start at the same time and follow the same pattern everyday. Dinner is always ready to go at 5:30pm. Family prayer and Bible time approx 6pm. Kids in bath by 6:10pm. Kids getting into PJs by 6:30pm. Kids' Bible, book(s) and prayers by 6:45pm. Special big girl/ big boy time (talk time, memory verses) by 7pm. (Note: we do not actually watch the clock during this routine, but this is generally how long each bit takes)

3) We allow for at least 15-30 minutes of "wind-down" by quiet talking, books, cuddles.

4) We try to give each child a special time one-to-one time in bed (usually no more than 5 minutes, but I think it still helps to reduce the "I want a drink/ toilet/ toy/ book" behaviour later on). I love how when Matt starts his time with Mr 2, Mr 2 grins and asks; "what did you do today?" (This used to be the first question Matt would ask during his one-to-one time, and Mr 2 caught on pretty quickly). I also love how Mr 2 reaches up so casually to play with my hair or my collar while I have one-to-one time with him. These are the kinds of moments that won't last forever.

5) We used to take away special big boy/ big girl time if the kids' mucked around during dinner/ bath/ getting dressed time. We avoid using this as a consequence now (though we will sometimes shorten the time). It is important to finish the night on a positive, calm note, even if the rest of the evening routine has been a disaster!

6) After we have left the room, we respond to one drink request. We take in a drink bottle and leave it within the kids' reach. If they ask again for a drink, we remind them to get the drink bottle and help themselves. (Miss 3 is pretty good with toileting, and Mr 2 still has night nappies - I realise some people couldn't do this for toileting reasons)

7) After we have left the room, we only allow one toilet trip. We remind Miss 3 that if she goes, she won't be able to go again until after we are in bed. (She has never woken up to go after we are in bed anyway...). Again, we can do this because we know Miss 3 has reliable overnight bladder control (and if she really needed to go, she would make a pretty big fuss about it!).

What are your best tips for a smooth bed-time?

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Books we are loving

I love hearing about new kids' books. As you may remember, we have quite a collection at home, but we also visit the library every couple of weeks, so I'm always looking for new recommendations. We often borrow at least one book that we really love and read over and over until it is time to return it. I thought I would start sharing some of the gems we come across (+ some from our own collection) every couple of weeks. I hope you find some you can enjoy too! 

1) Hug (Jez Alborough)

I was first introduced to this book through play-group. It doesn't have many words (If I recall correctly, the only words are "Hug", "Mummy" and "Bobo"), but the story is beautifully told through pictures. It is such a great book for talking, describing and asking questions - especially the "higher-level" questions such as "how does he feel?", "Why do you think he is sad...?" etc.

2) Anything Dr Seuss.

We have a 5-book "treasury" which includes The Cat in the Hat, The Cat in the Hat Comes Back, Green Eggs and Ham, Fox in Socks and, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Each story is really quite long, and the pictures are mostly line drawings with just a little bit of colour, so Miss 1 and Mr 2 lose interest, but Miss 3 is just captivated by the rhyme and rhythm. They are fun stories to read aloud.

3) Wombat Stew (by Marcia K Vaughan, Illustrated by Pamela Lofts)

I am sure this book was around when I was in late primary school (though I'm not entirely sure of the publication date). I was re-introduced to this at library story-time late last year. The kids loved it so much that we had to borrow it. The rhythm and rhyme is so lovely to read, and the kids love to join in with the "ooey, gooey, yummy, stewy... wombat stew!" (this is a recurring refrain on most pages).

4) What the ladybug heard (Julia Donaldson, Illustrated by Lydia Monks)

Another one we recently borrowed from the library - don't think this one was around when I was a child though! Again, lovely rhythm and rhyme, lovely illustrations and a cute story line all about how the ladybug who "never says a word" saved the farm's prized cow from thieves. 

5) God Gave me... (by Catherine Mackenzie, illustrated by Angie Sage)

This book is part of a series. We have 2 of the books (God Gave me Hearing and God Gave me Feelings). I think each book is only about $3 - bargain! Both the hearing and the feeling books are fun to read aloud because you can get quite expressive (e.g. Thank you God for loud sounds. I like trumpets and drums and great big hurrahs... vs. Thank you God for quiet sounds. Like a breeze in the trees and a little bird singing...) There is a Bible verse at the bottom of each page to accompany the text. Sometimes we read these, sometimes not. They don't really detract or add to the 'story'. (Probably there to assure us that the assertions in the text come from the Bible).

Have you come across any great kids' books lately? What do you recommend?

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Truly Home

It has been about 3 weeks since our family finished our 'holidays' (I mean the time that my school teacher husband returned to work). I actually worked 2 days/ week during our 'holiday' time, and both Matt and I worked 7 days at home, as always. Still, there was something a little bit more relaxing about the 'holidays'.

You know how it goes with holidays. You stay up later. You sleep in just a little (as much as young children allow). You get out of routine. Sometimes, you lose your focus.

I think this happened for me these holidays. I got completely out of the habit of regular prayer and Bible reading. I spent more time than usual watching movies/ TV (which still wasn't that much, but my usual is almost never...). I spent a lot of time online.

I spent a lot of time dreaming and scheming about this type of thing:

Who wouldn't want a verandah like this?

Or an eat-in kitchen like this?

Or a library...?

There is nothing wrong with any of this. But, as I surfed (the net) and admired and dreamed and schemed the discontentment started to creep in... The thoughts began; "My house is so small. My house is so old. Do we need to do an extension? Should we knock our house down and start again? Maybe we should move...? What will be the best thing for our kids?" (Note: mostly moot points since we can't afford to do any of the above right now!)

But what a relief to get back into God's word and recall:

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6: 19-21

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Philippians 3:20-21

Our house may be old, but even new houses attract moth, and rust, and termites and thieves. (We have frustratingly already seen how things age or are never quite right, even in things we bought new only 8-9 months ago). Our house may be small, but it is not our real home. We are residents of Sydney, but truly citizens of heaven. 

Heaven will mean no deterioration, and no lack of space. But, most of all, there will be Jesus, who will take the discontent and the envy and make us truly content. He will take our feeble, weak minds and bodies and make them like his. And, that is what is really worth dreaming and 'scheming' about.

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Organisation: an ongoing process

You know that saying about life being a journey not a destination? Over the past few years, I've been learning that organisation is a similar process. 

I'm not going to pretend I don't enjoy organising, or re-organising. I can't count how many times I have spent a Friday night re-arranging a cupboard or re-jigging a system. This is relaxation for me! 

But, in the years of being at home more often (e.g. since having kids), I've always had a sort of longing to reach the end point of organisation. You know, the point where I will never have to re-organise again... I have the perfect system, the perfect, balanced daily timetable, the perfect arrangement of clothes in my wardrobe. 

Funnily enough, organisation (just like life) doesn't work like that. An unexpected event can throw out the daily timetable. Children grow out of the perfectly organised clothes in their wardrobes. Weekly activities change. Priorities change (well, not the big ones, but you know what I mean). Before I know it, the old system that was working so perfectly is being stretched, or overloaded. I begin losing things, or forgetting things.

Organisation does not mean rigidity. Organisation means flexibility.

 

Organisation cannot look the same for everyone, and it cannot even look the same for one person from one year (or even week) to the next. What makes me feel organised, might not make you feel organised (and vice versa).  A system that made me feel so organised last year,  may prove stressful to maintain this year.

So, rather than being a case of "find what works for you and stick to it", it is more "find what works for you, review it and mix it up"

Do you need to review some of your systems this year? What is working well for you at the moment?

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Promoting independence: Babies and food.

Sometimes, being a lazy mum pays off.

Yesterday I took Miss 1 to have a Griffiths Developmental Assessment. We have no concerns with her development. We were helping one of the paediatricians at Liverpool Hospital with training some new staff in administering the assessment (I found out about this through my work).

I don't actually know how she went on the assessment overall (since it was not really about her), but I'm assuming all pretty average/ normal. But there was one particular area in which Miss 1 was apparently impressive - self-feeding, eating and drinking.

My 3 kids are/ have been very good eaters. By this I don't mean that they always eat their vegetables, but I mean that they were having a full/ family diet by about 9 months of age (having started solids around 5-6 months).

A big part of my reasoning for getting Mr 2 and Miss 1 onto a full diet asap was laziness. I didn't enjoy cooking and pureeing extra meals. I didn't have a lot of time to sit down and spoon-feed them (particularly Miss 1). Of course I started solids with Farex, and pureed vegetables, but we quickly progressed to a mashed consistency (within a couple of weeks), a soft lumpy consistency (again a couple of weeks later) and all the time presented some finger foods (rusks, cooked vegetable sticks, broccoli florets etc). Since 8-9 months, Miss 1 has not been spoon-fed (unless there is a rare occasion when she is having yoghurt or cereal or similar and I want her to stay clean!). She feeds herself with a combination of her spoon, and, when that gets too hard, she gets in there with her fingers. Needless to say, she makes a big mess!

Self-feeding and eating a variety of food consistencies is beneficial for children's fine motor development, speech development (as the same muscles are used in chewing/ feeding and speech), independence and personal/ social development. I have often seen children in speech pathology who have poor articulation development, and delayed feeding development. Some children I have seen are still eating a 'soft' diet (primarily pureed foods, with soft fruits e.g. banana) after the age of 2, although the rest of their developmental skills are age appropriate (e.g. they do not have special needs which may necessitate a modified diet).

In the early stages, I never worried about 'how much' my babies ate. Until at least 9 months (some would say 12 months), babies still get their main nutrition through milk. Food is just a supplement. So, I presented my babies with a few different options, challenged their skills with trying different consistencies and let them lead the way in terms of how much they choose to eat. If you are giving them the same things you are cooking for the family (rather than a specially prepared meal), there is less frustration or push to get them to eat the whole thing.

Based on the advice of clinic nurses, and OTs, I have also given our babies lots of opportunities to try cup-drinking. From the time we started solids, I presented boiled (cooled) water in a sippy cup - not a bottle. For the first few months, they didn't drink much, but after being presented with a sippy cup 3-5 times a day for a few months, they get pretty competent with it.

The assessors administering the Griffiths Developmental assessment were impressed that at 13 months, Miss 1 could request (by pointing and vocalising) and then eat a milk arrowroot biscuit (presented whole), feed herself (for a few mouthfuls) with a spoon, and drink from a cup unaided (though with a lot of spillage!). I didn't realise that this was unusual (apart from the children I have seen in Speech Pathology as mentioned above).

If you are still at the baby stage (or will be again), here are some ideas that will assist your child's motor and speech development, as well as increase their independence (and decrease your workload!) in the area of self-feeding, eating and drinking:

• Follow the feeding guidelines of the clinic nurses. Start presenting solids between 4-6 months
• Move quickly through different food consistencies and provide lots of opportunities to try new things. Aim for a soft lumpy consistency to solids by 7 months (or 6 weeks after the initial presentation of solids), and a full diet (aside from maybe a steak!) by 9-12 months.
• Allow your baby to self-feed with finger foods from early on. Start with very soft cooked vegetables, or hard rusks, and progress from there.
• Try to ignore the mess. If your dining table is in a carpeted area, you may wish to put a plastic mat/ tablecloth under the table for the first year or so!
• From the time of introducing solids, present your baby with a sippy cup for water. Also give supervised opportunities for your child to drink from a normal cup

Disclaimer: 

• These are general guidelines for feeding. For babies with additional needs, please consult a paediatrician or Speech Pathologist for appropriate/ safe feeding guidelines. 
• Some babies are slower to 'take to' solid food. As mentioned above, try to remember that their nutritional needs are being met through milk up to as late as 12 months of age, and persevere with presenting a variety of appropriate food options (including finger foods). If your baby is older than 12 months and still not eating much solid food, you may need to consider decreasing milk intake. When my eldest child was a baby (3 years ago), clinic nurses were advising mothers to present milk then solids from 6-9 months, and solids before milk from 9 months+.

Have your babies been "good eaters"? Are you a lazy mum like me?

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The myth of parental control

I've got a secret to share with you all... I can't control my kids.

And I've got news for you... you can't control your kids either.

Maybe you have known this ever since you began your parenting journey. I am a slow learner.

I know I'm not the only one who was fooled into thinking I could be/ should be in control. The idea of parental control is evident in the whispers of other parents, or non-parents; "She can't control her kids". It is there in the judgements we make pre-children; "My kids will never...". It is there when the parents of now-grown children recall their parenting days; "When we were kids, we would never even think of..." or "Our children knew they would never get away with...". It was there a few months ago, when after a particularly bad display at one of our family Christmas gatherings, my aunt threatened my Miss 3; "If you don't stop those tantrums, you will get a good hiding". (Fortunately, I don't think Miss 3 understood what a 'hiding' was, and she was too tired to ask me about it).

I have read a lot about parenting. I have learned some great strategies. I have continued to pray for wisdom and guidance in my parenting. But, no matter how many strategies I learn, no matter how consistent I am in their implementation, and no matter how much I pray, I cannot really control my kids. Sure, I can give the appearance of being in control. Most of the time, I can make my kids do what I want them to do. But I cannot always control what they do. And, though I can influence them, I cannot control their hearts and their attitudes. And, I don't want to.

I don't want to control my kids because I want to them to learn self-control. 

There is a problem though. Self-control is not learned overnight. This is a long process. I am 32 years old (almost 33) and I still struggle with self-control. I can hardly be surprised when my 1, 2 and 3 year olds struggle with it too. 

In learning self-control, my kids make mistakes. They may hurt or say unkind things to each other. They may have tantrums. They may even have tantrums in public. I may look like I'm not in control... because I'm not. But I'm slowly learning that it is okay.

What do you think about parental control? Are the kids of today 'out of control'?

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More than food and clothes

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:25-26

You know that old saying about everybody having a story to tell? Maybe some stories are more exotic than others. Maybe some stories are more exciting. Maybe some are funnier. Maybe some are sadder. But it is true... we all have a story. Some stories are private or intimate. But, sometimes they need to be told. More importantly, sometimes they need to be heard. 

This is how I felt as I was reading through the stories in More than Food and Clothes. More than Food and Clothes is a collection of the experiences and wisdom of over 40 Christian women, compiled by Jennifer Eve. 

The women who have contributed to More than Food and Clothes each have a story to tell. Some of the stories are a little bit funny. Some are poignant. Some are frightening. Some are sad. But each story reveals an important, sometimes life-changing snapshot of a woman's life. And each story is a testimony to the faithfulness and goodness of God, as he relates to his people.

Two of the contributions in the book happen to be from my mother-in-law and my husband's 97-year-old grandmother. Both describe intimate and sad moments. The kind of moments that we rarely talk about. Grandma writes on the death of her husband of 56 years. My mother-in-law writes to her still-born (anencephalic) baby. Though both of these entries are filled with sadness, they are not written without hope. They are filled with the hope that God's people can truly know - the trust in God's control, the hope of heaven and eternal reunion.

Sometimes we women (and men too) can feel alone, even among our peers and friends. Sometimes we feel as though no-one else has suffered or is suffering the way that we are. Sometimes we can think that everyone else has it all together. More than Food and Clothes shows, in a very real way, that those "together" women you see at church, usually don't have it all together. Mixed with the joys of our lives are some very real sorrows. Mixed with the successes of life are some very real failings. Mixed with the confidence is some very real anxiety. Mixed with the faith is some very real doubt. 

In the midst of the sorrows, the failings, the anxiety and the doubt is a God whose faithfulness is demonstrated time and time again. It is demonstrated in the stories of the Bible, and it is demonstrated in the stories of More than Food and Clothes.

More than Food and Clothes is available for purchase from here.

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I'm raving about vinegar (again!)

If you have been reading here for a while, you may recall my love of white vinegar - as a cleaning product (though it goes down pretty well on fish and chips too!). 

My version looks less pretty and more functional than this

To recap, white vinegar can be used to:

• Clean windows and mirrors - using a ratio of 1 part vinegar: 1 part warm water)
• Clean walls, hard floors and furniture (1 part vinegar: 3 parts water)
• Remove toilet stains (add 1 cup to the bowl, undiluted, leave for 30 minutes+, then use the toilet brush)
• Attack mildew and soap scum in the bathroom - mix 2 tablespoons salt with 1 teaspoon vinegar, or just use a vinegar/ water mix as above
• Add 1/4 cup to washing machine to make towels fluffy and soft (I always forget to do this one!)
• Use instead of rinse aid in your dishwasher

 And, when surfing Facebook recently, I came across another use for white vinegar:

• Use as as a soothing lotion on mosquito bites and other itchy areas. I haven't tried it yet, but apparently the vinegar will sting a bit on initial application, but then stop the itching. 

Have you tried white vinegar on itchy areas? Does it work?

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Recasting: A simple strategy for improving your child's speech

I'm going to save you all a 4-year university degree.

The easiest way to improve your child's speech and language skills is by recasting. Recasting might sound fancy, but it is very simple. It might even come naturally to you. When used with consistency, it is incredibly effective.

You can use recasting to help develop a 1-year-old's early language. Or you can use recasting to help your 2-year-old to expand his sentence length. Or you can even use recasting to help your 3 year old to perfect her production of the "s" sound.

Recasting involves:

• listening
• interpreting
• evaluating
• repeating
• modelling
• emphasising

Recasting does not request the child to do anything (though they may attempt to copy your model, and that is great!) Here are a few examples:

 

Recasting with Miss 1:

(a) Listen: Miss 1 says "da" (Makes eye contact with parent and moves body forward)

(b) Interpret: Using context - Miss 1 is trying to communicate desire to move on the swing

(c) Evaluate: Miss 1 does not have the vocabulary for "push" or "go"

(d) Repeat, Model, Emphasise: Parent says "Go" or, to create anticipation, "Ready, set... go"

Recasting with Mr 2:

(a) Listen: Mr 2 says "I winis my buzzle mummy"

(b) Interpret (with context): He finished the puzzle

(c) Evaluate: Mr 2 substituted the "f" sound with "w" (as well as some other errors, but we choose one to focus on)

(d) Repeat, Model, Emphasise: Parent says "Oh, you finished the puzzle!" (with emphasis on "f")

Recasting with Miss 3:

(a) Listen: Miss 3 says "I finished the printheth puthle"

(b) Interpret: She finished the princess puzzle

(c) Evaluate: Miss 3 used a "th" sound (lisp) in place of the "s" and "z" sound

(d) Repeat, Model, Emphasise: "You finished the princess puzzle" (emphasis on "s" and "z" sounds)
(PS - Miss 3 actually does not lisp much these days, but I used this for the purpose of an example...)


Though recasting has been shown to be effective for improving speech and language development and outcomes, it may need to be supplemented with other therapy. Please consult your local speech pathologist if you have significant concerns with your child's speech sound development, language development or speech fluency (stuttering).

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