Type 'A' mum meets type 'B' child

You don't have to know me too well, or probe too far into this blog, to realise that, when it comes to the type A/ type B personality dichotomy, I am much more 'A' than 'B'. 

According to Wikipedia, a type A personality is: 

* ambitious

* rigidly organised

* status conscious

* can be sensitive

* care for other people

* truthful

* impatient

* always try to help others

* take on more than they can handle

* want other people to get to the point

* proactive

* obsessed with time management

I'm not all of these things, but a lot of them do describe me quite well.

I am also a proud mummy to this 4-year-old:

 

While it is probably a little too early to categorise her as a type A or type B, she does demonstrate a number of type B traits. Wikipedia describes these as:

* apathetic
* patient
* relaxed
* easy-going
* no sense of time schedule
* having poor organization skills
* lacking an overriding sense of urgency

Again, these don't all describe Miss 4, but many do. And, I don't know how much of this is just a function of being 4 years old, or how many of these traits are here to stay.

There is much joy and amazement in observing my creative, not-particularly-organised, non-rule-following type B. There is also much frustration, as the type A parts of me, and the type B parts of Miss 4 sometimes clash.

She would much rather draw, than colour. Don't try to recommend subject matter for her to draw...

If lines/ words/ instructions are offered, they will likely be disregarded...

The more bling, the better!

Why not decorate the inside of the box too?

When it comes to music, she makes as much noise as possible... whether the song demands it or not...

Lego, puzzles and other construction-type toys are a recipe for conflict - type A mummy wants to follow the instructions while type B 4-year-old creates freely. (This photo, looking at the instruction booklet did not last long!)

And, let's not talk about getting dressed and ready in the morning, making deadlines, sticking to a (time) schedule or me trying to achieve multiple tasks quickly with Miss 4 in tow. On the other hand, Miss 4 teaches me about just enjoying the moments, observing the little things around me, taking in details and slowing down a little.

Are you a type A or type B? Do you clash with any of your kids?

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Water Play

Is it just our kids? Or yours too?

Most play activities will hold their attention for no longer than 20 minutes. Some activities are much quicker (e.g. puzzle play - lasts as long as it takes to do one puzzle... don't even think about suggesting another one!).

But, as soon as we add water to an activity... voila... up to an hour of attention! Some examples:

1) Pretending to give dolly a bath (no water): 5 minute attention span

    Add water: 20+ minutes of play

2) General play in the cubby house (without me): about 15 minutes
    Paint the cubby house with water: 30 minutes+

3) Play with kitchen toys, or real kitchen utensils: 20 minutes
    Add water: Up to 1 hour

4) Build with blocks: 10-15 minutes
    Play with blocks/ stacking cups in water: 30 minutes

5) Pull weeds, dig in garden or sandpit, general "gardening": about 20 minutes
    Water the garden: until it gets so soggy you need to put a stop to it!

6)  Bubbles: (can't really do this without water): as long as mummy will keep blowing or until bubble soap runs out.

And, you can also:
* Wash the car
* Bath a pet
* Play in a paddle pool
* Go to the pool
* Run a warm bath (in winter), add toys, grab a magazine for mummy to read nearby, pop the kids in and play!
* Do the washing up
* Measure different containers (how much water will they hold?)
* "Clean up" with a spray bottle of water
* "Mop" the floor 

Do your kids love to play with water? Do you have any other water play ideas?

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4 children under 5

Yesterday, I had a slight panic attack.

It suddenly occurred to me (a bit late, some might say), that come October, I will have 4 children under the age of 5. Having an attack of the jitters does not undermine my excitement. I think it is inevitable though, thinking through all the logistics, remembering the sleeplessness, imagining negotiating more parent/ child and sibling/sibling relationships...

I did what any sensible person in 2012 does - I started googling: "4 children in 5 years", "4 children under 5", "parenting 4 preschoolers" etc. It didn't help all that much, although I did learn that some people follow this philosophy of family-spacing on purpose. It even has a fancy name: baby-bunching. That is kind of cool.

It was God, rather than us who planned our family this way (both #2 and #3 were lovely surprises!). I would never have planned this, and would never have thought I could do it. (And, to be honest, some days I don't do it all that well - particularly in the area of patience!) But, I do think there are some definite advantages to this "baby-bunching":

* All our kids are at similar stages - This has become clearer to me from observing a lady at church with 5 children - her eldest is 17, and her youngest is 3. She does an amazing job, but she has to have her head in so many places - with one son transitioning to the workforce at the end of the year, a girl in year 10, one just started high-school, another in year 3 and a preschooler!

* We can all play together - our kids are happy to play with the same toys. They will often play with them slightly differently, but similar resources can be adapted.

* We can read the same books together, and they can be adapted for Miss 17 months, or Miss 4 (I just ask Miss 4 some harder questions).

* We can do prayer and Bible time together. My friend with the 5 kids above reflected that her husband often spends over an hour having prayer time and saying goodnight to her kids... would be hard to bunch a 17 year old and a 3 year old together for that purpose!

* Our kids all go to one daycare centre (in separate rooms) = one drop-off and one pick-up. Next year, the eldest 2 will go to one preschool (in separate rooms).

* They learn new skills from each other... I particularly notice this with Miss 17 months. She loves to copy her big brother and sister (apart from in verbal development, sadly!)

* They eat together, have rest time together, go to bed at the same time... they all follow the same routine.

* I am not running here, there and everywhere to school and after-school activities with toddlers and newborns in tow.

* They play together well. (They also fight together well, but let's focus on the positives here!)

Yes, there are lots of hard things about having 3 (and 4) children close in age, mostly related to the fact that there is not quite enough mummy (and daddy) to go around. And, yes, from time to time, I do have a slight panic! But, there are advantages and disadvantages to any family 'plan' (number and spacing of children). It helps me in those panic-y times to remember the positives of our situation and to rely on the God who carries me through everything.

What does your family look like? What do you see as the advantages and disadvantages?



Linking up with Jess for IBOT

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Being carried

^{Miss 4: "Can you carry me please mummy?"}

^{Mr 2: "Mummy, dawwy me bease" (translation: carry me please)}

^{Miss 17 months: "Up" (or sometimes "up ta" for emphasis!)}

^{These are words that I hear a lot around here. They all convey the same message - the desire to be carried. I have to say 'no' to this request a fair bit. It is not physically possible for me to carry more than one of my kids at once (at least for any distance). But, I can really understand their desire to be carried.}

^{It has been a good couple of years and about 10-15kg since I have been physically carried (and even more years and more kilograms since I have been carried any significant distance!), but there is a lot to like about being carried. The feeling of total protection, of being completely looked after, of surrendering to the strength and care of someone else, the cosiness, the closeness... I could go on.} 

^{Yesterday in church, Luke 15: 1-10 was read and explained to us. Here is part of it:}

³ Then Jesus told them this parable: ⁴ “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? ⁵ And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders ⁶ and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ ⁷ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. 

This parable speaks about God (in this story, represented by the shepherd), and his desire, and concern for every individual (sheep) to know Him. Hearing this passage again yesterday, I was really struck by something new. Our pastor emphasised the part in verse 5; "he joyfully puts it on his shoulders...".

There is something so intimate, so loving, so protective about this image. The shepherd could have dragged his sheep home with a rope, or beat the sheep home using a stick. But he doesn't do that. He carries his sheep home. And I assume the sheep prefers this method of being brought home... surrendering to the protection, the strength and the care of his shepherd.

This reminded me of a Bear Grylls quote that my husband told me about (from Bear Grylls' autobiography): 

“Christianity is not about religion,” Grylls says. “It’s about faith, about being held, about being forgiven. It’s about finding joy and finding home. We all want that, but nobody wants religion. I’ve yet to meet anyone who doesn’t want to be forgiven or held or find peace or joy in their life". 

This is what our God is about. He is not about following rules, or making us jump over hurdles, or testing us or making us into "good people". He is about loving us, looking after us, protecting us, being with us. And our part... surrendering to his strength, his love, his care and protection... allowing ourselves to be carried.

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Bedroom Makeover

We re-organised/ re-furnished our bedroom late last year. Having moved into a quite small, basic 3-bedroom house with a growing family, I have been determined to make every bit of space work well. Our bedroom and bedroom furniture was not working well:

Our previous bedroom furniture was very budget-friendly. We were actually given our bed-frame as a very generous wedding present from a couple at our old church. The chest-of-drawers and filing cabinet were mine, from my high-school days. The bedside tables (which didn't match), were picked up at op-shops. That furniture served us well for over 8 years (and is now residing in one of the spare bedrooms at my parents' house). 

Since people don't really see the main bedroom very often, ours was becoming a bit of a dumping ground. It was crying out for some attention...

Our first step was to create a workspace for Matt and I (not that Matt uses it much - he prefers the dining table!). Of course, we went straight to IKEA. You may remember I posted about that last year. (And, despite easy access, the sewing machine has still received remarkably little use).

After the workspace was complete, I got thinking about the rest of the room. We decided to fork out for a new bed with added storage (IKEA - $339 + blood, sweat and tears to assemble):

... which led to new bedside tables ($99 each, IKEA) and wall lights ($19.99 each, IKEA)...

I made the covered canvases for our bedroom at our old house. They are now sitting on a picture ledge ($14.99, IKEA). It was good to cover this wall (which contained some picture hooks/ holes from the previous owners) and add a bit of prettiness to our room.

Our bedroom now feels like the "calm oasis" that Oprah (or someone like that) tells me it should be! If you have a small space and/ or small budget, I don't think you can go past IKEA. I am slowly IKEA-ising our whole house...

Are you an IKEA fan? Or, more importantly, are you NOT an IKEA fan? If not, why not?! 

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When positive parenting flies out the window

Yesterday started out as a good day. Miss 17 months and I slept in until almost 7:30am. Miss 4 and Mr 2 played happily in Mr 2's room. We had a happy breakfast. We played outside for about 2 hours (and I hung two loads of washing in the sun). We read books on the lounge. We listened to our "J is for Jesus" CD and danced in the kitchen. I had dinner prepared and in the slow cooker by 11am...

Then, just before lunch, I saw this:

... and the day suddenly got much worse. I knew who the culprit was - the only child in our house who is both capable of drawing a face with these features, and who is allowed access to pens without close supervision. She admitted to doing the drawing "on purpose, because [she] likes drawing with pen".

I've alluded to the fact before that we have come to the point of using (mostly) "positive parenting" strategies with Miss 4 (and our other children, though less so, because of their ages). We found that, for us, traditional parenting strategies (punishment and reward) lead to a deteriorating relationship with our eldest child. "Positive parenting" includes:

* Teaching rather than punishing

* Acknowledging/ thanking rather than praising

* Putting ourselves in our children's shoes

* Demonstrating unconditional love (not just feeling it, but making sure they feel it too)

* Making sure their love tanks are full

* Reflecting our children's feelings (e.g. "It is frustrating when...", "You must feel angry when...") rather than squashing their feelings (particularly the negative ones)

Today, I completely failed at positive parenting. Today I was a "negative parent". Actually, I was probably the most negative parent. After discovering the lounge, I screamed and shouted and sent Miss 4 to her room. I slammed her door behind her. I left her in there for a long time and I was reeling. My heart was beating 100 mph, and I was literally shaking with anger.

Finally, when I had calmed down enough to pray (something like, "God, give me a wise and loving response in this situation" - I seem to pray that a lot these days!), I started reflecting on exactly why I was so angry.

I was not angry about the lounge (it is not an expensive lounge, and we bought a floor display model on purpose, knowing that we would do more damage to the lounge within a short space of time than was done to it in a year of being on display) I would not have been angry if Miss 17 months had drawn on the lounge (well, actually, I probably would have been a bit angry with myself!)

After some reflection, I realised I was so angry because I was actually hurt. I was hurt that I couldn't trust Miss 4 to follow our rules (we only draw on paper - a rule she has heard many, many times - and said to her younger brother and sister many, many times). I was hurt that Miss 4 had not shown kindness to me. I was hurt that Miss 4 had not respected our property. I was hurt that I couldn't get the stain off, and that we would all have to keep reliving the moment when visitors asked about the lounge chair artwork. I was hurting for Miss 4, for the judgements I had about made about her actions in that moment, "naughty", "making me so angry", "unkind", "careless", and for the judgements that others might make when they heard the story. I was hurting for the fact that I expect so much from Miss 4, because of her younger siblings. I was hurting that Mr 2 is always judged so positively (as kind, and gentle, and mature, and easygoing), and that Miss 4 rarely has these things articulated to her (by others, and even by me).

That was how my prayer for wisdom was answered. I won't say that the situation was turned around completely. I won't say I'm still not perplexed by Miss 4's actions. But, I went and explained all this (well, most of it) to Miss 4 - that I felt hurt that she had not respected our property, that I was sorry I had yelled at her, that I was surprised at her actions and sad about what others would say about the lounge.

And, I was reminded again how well this parenting style suits Miss 4 and us. All my anger, and yelling and door-slamming and time-outing just alienated me from Miss 4. It made me feel bad, it made her feel bad. She returned anger to me, not respect, not sorrow. She learnt nothing. But when I honestly and calmly reflected how I felt (and on this occasion, I could not do that straight away!), and what her actions said to me (e.g. lack of respect for Matt and I and our property), Miss 4 responded with sorrow, repentance, respect, and even agreed on an appropriate course of action (no access to pens for a while).

Do you find it hard to manage your anger with your kids? What helps you? (And, what property have your kids destroyed?!)

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Thank you God that...

(Today, I'm blogging over at Life on a Hill.)

 A week or so ago, I wrote a post for my personal blog about teaching my daughter (and myself) about thankfulness. At the conclusion of the post, I reflected:

"We can measure our days (and our lives) by the things we don't do, and the things we still want. Or, we can measure our days (and lives) by what we have done, the things we do have. The same set of circumstances, and 2 completely different attitudes. One attitude leading to gratitude, and the other leading to discontent."

After that post, I received an email from my father-in-law. He reflected:

"Measuring our days (and our lives) by what we have done and the things we do have can lead to gratitude...but can also lead to pride, independence and a tendency to be like the Pharisee in the Temple"

And he is right.

Because often, we skip right over the gratitude part, and go straight to the pride part. We measure our days by what we have done and forget that it is God who enabled us to do it. We measure our days by what we do have, and neglect to remember that it is all given by the generous hand of God... (Click here to read more at Life on a Hill...)

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Help! My (almost) 17-month-old doesn't talk!

I am a Speech Pathologist and my almost-17-month-old doesn't talk... much. Embarrassing.

It is a little bit of a shock to me. Our eldest two kids were talkers... and early talkers at that. Miss 4 was using clear 3-4 word sentences by 18 months. Mr 2 was not too far behind that (though his sounds were, and still are, much less clear). These days, sometimes our meal-time conversations are like a battle of the talkers. Both Miss 4 and Mr 2 seem to think that whoever is loudest will win the opportunity to take a turn in the conversation...

But this weekend, I realised that maybe I shouldn't be shocked. On Saturday, both Miss 4 and Mr 2 were out with separate sets of grandparents, and I had Miss almost-17-months at home... without any sibling competition. Despite the fact that I was busy preparing/ cooking for Miss 4's birthday party, I was able to interact with my youngest girl much more than usual, at her language level. I could use simple things like a nappy change as an opportunity for appropriate language-based interaction. Usually I have one of the older two in my ear (or I'm busy encouraging them to get dressed too) while these tasks are happening, and my attention is diverted. I didn't realise how much this happens until the big kids weren't around. And, the funny thing was... I heard a greater variety of (imitated) words from Miss-almost-17-months in that one day, than I usually would in a week!

Of course, language development is not all about my interaction (or lack thereof). My youngest also has less inclination and maybe natural language ability than my older children. (On the other hand, she is demonstrating physical skills that neither of my older two had at the same age). I have heard Miss-almost-17-months attempt about 30-40 different words/ sounds over her lifetime, but she uses less than 10 different words on a regular basis (mummy, daddy, [big sister's name], baby, uh-oh, no, yes, ta, up). She is not too far behind. We generally look for children to be using 20 single words by 18 months. (She might double her vocabulary in the next 5 weeks!)

There are several reasons that I am not too worried about Miss-almost-17-months. (If you have a "late-talking" toddler who demonstrates the following, your child is more likely - though not guaranteed - to "catch up" with his/her more talkative peers. Conversely, if you have a toddler who is not talking much, and does not do the following, you should seek the advice of a Speech Pathologist)

• Miss almost-17-months babbled (and still babbles) regularly from approximately 6 months of age (uses sounds without meaning (e.g. bababa, madamada)
• We have no significant family history of communication or learning difficulties
• Miss almost-17-months has no history of regular ear infections or other hearing difficulties 
• Miss almost-17-months comprehends well. She follows simple instructions (e.g. get your shoes, cuddle dolly, put dolly to bed now), and "answers" simple questions (e.g. where's daddy?, who's that?). She points to body parts, pictures in books and a variety of objects. She also picks up information from adult conversations, especially if there is mention of preferred food items!
• She demonstrates age-appropriate play skills - engages in pretend play with dolls, kitchen items, toy cars and trains... and also demonstrates good skills in construction play - with puzzles and blocks. She plays appropriately with her siblings and other children.
• She is starting to use a range of consonant sounds in her speech (e.g. p, b, m, t, d, n, y, s)
• She uses some gestures and signs to communicate
• She is beginning to imitate (copy) single words and sounds
• Latest research indicates that language output at 18 months is not a predictor of later language skills, though language output at 2 years is a more reliable predictor. Many children increase their language skills significantly between 18 months and 2 years.

Although I am predicting/ hoping that Miss-almost-17-months will "get there" on her own, I am going to follow-up on:

1. Investigating hearing assessment. (Not a huge rush given no history of ear infections and good comprehension skills, but down the track, especially if language has not improved significantly by 2 years)

2. Making specific time for interaction with Miss-almost-17-months at her language level (e.g. using 1-2 words at a time)

3. Being more consistent using key-word signs with Miss-almost-17-months (probably a good topic for a future post)

Have you/ do you have a "late talker"? When would you generally start to worry about your child's lack of speech?

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My 4-year-old's princess party

I have never been too keen on the whole princess/ Barbie/ fairy/ pink thing for girls. But it took me less than 3 years as the mother of a daughter to realise that this was inevitable (actually, the pink part was inevitable as soon as I started buying and receiving clothes for my first girl!) Now I have embraced the pink/ princess/ fairy thing. I'm still not too keen on the Disney princesses, but again... inevitable, and not worth fighting over. 

Miss 4 had a princess afternoon tea party yesterday. It was significant in that it was the first party where Miss 4 chose her own friends to come... not necessarily the children of our friends and family (though I am also friends with all the mothers) And, embracing the pink/ pretty/ princess thing was lots of fun!

The cake was made following a You tube clip (gotta love the Internet!). If I'm being a perfectionist, I can see a few things wrong, but all in all, I was pretty happy with it.

The very sweet spread included jelly cups, fruit, pink and gold fairy bread, pink cupcakes, and pink-iced shortbread biscuits (hearts and star shapes). There were some party sausage rolls throw in for good measure (just the frozen ones, not home-made).

I got some of the decorations and the invitations from a cute online store - Lovely Chubblies. They also have some great pirate-themed things. Hard to resist the urge to have a 3rd birthday party for Mr 2. (We are trying to stick to parties for even years).

I followed another online tutorial from "Mum's the Word" to make the tissue-paper pom-poms.

We prettied up our day-bed (which is usually covered with dog-fur and mouldy cushions), by adding a pink fitted sheet and some indoor pink cushions (from our bed and Miss 4's bed)

The girls were so cute in their princess outfits. I won't post any clearer pictures of other kids, for privacy reasons. Dress-ups was a last minute decision, but it seems every 3 or 4 year-old girl owns a princess or fairy outfit! There were also two boys - one came as a dinosaur, and the other had a storm-trooper mask. Mr 2 was a "pirate in shining armour" -half in a pirate costume and half-knight costume. (Matt couldn't find the pirate shirt and I didn't have time to dig around).

We played "pin the crown on the princess". And, the kids also initiated their own games of "Duck, Duck Goose" and "What's the time Mr. Wolf?"

The birthday girl was just thrilled with the day, and had a lovely time. Thanks everyone who came!

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Lamb casserole with Herb Dumplings

Yum, yum, yum!!!

This yummy, family-friendly (e.g. our whole family ate almost all of it!) recipe is adapted from Cooking with Aldi: One Family, One Supermarket. It is a perfect winter, comfort food-type recipe.

Ingredients:

1 kg of lamb chops (aim for as little bone as possible, or even lamb fillets. I spent about half of my preparation time just cutting meat from the bones. Fewer bones will cut down the preparation time significantly)

1 tbs olive oil

1 onion, chopped

2 carrots, peeled and chopped

4 potatoes, peeled and chopped

2 beef stock cubes

2 cups water

1 tin diced tomatoes

1 tbs paprika

(For dumplings):

1 and 1/2 cups self-raising flour

60g butter

1 tbs dried chives

1/2 cup water

Method:

1. Remove bones from lamb, and chop meat into small (2cm) pieces

2. Heat oil in saucepan over high heat and brown lamb pieces

3. Add chopped onion, carrot, potato, stock cubes, water, tinned tomatoes and paprika to the pan.

4. Bring to the boil, then simmer, covered for 20 mins

5. Remove from heat and transfer to an 8-cup capacity baking dish

6. Meanwhile, make the dumplings by combining the flour, butter and chives in a food processor

7. Process until mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs

8. Add water and process until a soft dough forms

9. Transfer dough to a floured surface and knead

10. Form dough into balls (approx. 3cm diameter) and arrange on top of lamb casserole mixture

11. Bake for 25 minutes in a moderate oven. (Dumplings should be golden).

12. Stand for 10 minutes before enjoying your meal.

I'm linking up with the "Weekend Cookbook" at Mummy's Undeserved Blessings.

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Kids in the city

Linking up with Aussie Wordless Wednesday at My Little Drummer Boys

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Kids around the house

I'm sure I've written about this before... it is something that I keep re-visiting and re-thinking, especially as our kids get older and more capable. It is also an area in which I have been incredibly inconsistent!

The other day, as I observed Miss 16 months wandering around the house with the dustpan and the toilet plunger (don't worry, it hasn't been used since we moved over a year ago, and it was cleaned then!), I realised that I had much higher expectations of Miss almost-4 at the same age (probably my expectations were too high back then). Before 12 months, I had Miss almost-4 cleaning up her toys, with my help. By the time she could walk independently, she was taking rubbish to the bin, taking plastics out of the dishwasher and helping me put them away, handing me the pegs to hang washing, following me around with a cloth when dusting and "holding" the vacuum cleaner for me.

It is interesting how this has changed with 3 small children. It has become easier to just do it all myself! I still require our kids to help clean up the toys and the messes they have specifically made, but, all in all, I do a lot of things that our kids could probably do for themselves... and I don't like it!!!

It is not really about having 'help'. Anyone with small children knows that 'help' is not really all that helpful. It is more about our desire to teach our kids three things:

1. We all work together to make our family happen

2. Everyone is responsible for the messes they make

3. It is a happy privilege to serve other family members (and other people in general)

In the past, I have been discouraged by our kids less-than-enthusiastic response to requests to help. Mr 2 has mastered the "I'm too tired!" and Miss almost-4 has helped very reluctantly. I know this is often my fault:

* They have observed my less-than-enthusiastic response to cleaning (e.g. after another cup of spilt milk at dinner!)

* I have asked them to do things that are beyond their capacity (e.g. clean up a whole room of toys that are all over the place - they are simply overwhelmed)

* I have not spent enough time modelling, explaining and walking them through the task.

* I don't explain the reason/ motivation behind the task (e.g. to look after each other so we don't trip over toys, or so our house is healthy)

I'm still mulling over the specifics... I know I would like the kids to:

1. Continue to clean up their own messes

2. Put away their clean, folded clothes (we do this sporadically at the moment). Miss almost-4 can also help to fold washers and underwear.

3. Make their beds and put PJs away (again, we do this sporadically)

4. Set the table

5. Put breakfast dishes in the sink

6. Miss 16 months - put things in the bin

Do your kids have jobs? What do your kids do around the house? (I'm especially interested if you have kids under 5 like me!)

Linking with Jess for IBOT

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