I don't try to be happy... but I am!

Happiness, and particularly happiness in motherhood, seems to be a recurring theme in my life at the moment. In the last month or so, I have had several conversations and read countless articles and blog posts about happiness or contentment. There sure are a lot of unhappy mums out there.

So, how do you feel about motherhood?

Do you feel guilty? Overwhelmed? Unbalanced? Bored? Cranky? Out-of-step with your husband? Out-of-control?

There have been times when I have felt all of the above (thankfully not all at once!). I have friends who have felt/ do feel like this too. When they are short-term, these feeling are completely normal. I would say, inevitable at some time in your motherhood journey. Combine hormones, the demands of children (24/7), our own expectations (dare we say, perfectionism?!), the 'rules' of raising children (not too much TV time, fine motor time, gross motor time, language time, reading time, one-to-one time), our marriages, and our need for "me-time", and you have a recipe for a frazzled mummy.

But, what if you feel like this all the time? If those feelings are all too familiar? What if thinking about motherhood just makes you want to curl into a ball and cry? What if the thought of another day brings no anticipation of joy? I know there are some mums in this position.

I don't know much about happiness. Usually I don't think much about happiness. But I am happy (most of the time). I'm not happy in an "always have a smile on my face", shouting for joy, praise the Lord kind of way. That is not my personality. I am content. I never thought of myself as an especially happy person (probably because I am not the 'shout for joy' type). But lately as I have observed how much other mums struggle with happiness and contentment, I realise just how much God has blessed me with contentment in my role as a mum.

I don't want to sound like I have it all together... because I don't. When I talk about contentment, I mean right here, in these circumstances of life, in the everyday little hassles and trials of motherhood. I wish I could claim (like Paul in the Bible) that I knew the secret of contentment in any and every circumstance (well-fed or hungry, in plenty or in want...), but the fact is, I have never been tested in those ways. I don't know how I would respond to hunger, or serious pain, or life-threatening illness, or the death of a child, or a lonely marriage. I am not there.

All I know is a few things that help me feel content/ happy, through the sometimes monotonous, often frustrating, frequently tiring life of a mother... Some things that help me:

• Leaning on God - a knowledge that when I am out of control, he is in control. A confidence in my eternity. A trust that all things are working for God's glory... even when I don't understand them
• Working on our marriage - knowing that Matt "has my back" and is on my side
• Having time-out - doing something I enjoy (usually reading or blogging). We've developed a daily routine that ensures that this happens - in the middle of the day 'rest time' and at night.
• Drinking water - sounds silly, but I know when I haven't had enough (think headach-y and cranky)
• Getting out socially - play dates, play-group, Bible study. Being around other mums in the 'real world' is encouraging and recharges me.
• Having a (loose) routine for the day and a (short) daily task list - helps me prioritise the important, and feel like I'm achieving something, even on the down days
• Being willing to let go of perfection - I'll tell you a secret... some weeks I don't clean the bathroom (maybe just a quick wipe-down). Some weeks I don't wash the sheets. Some days I don't cook dinner (leftovers are a great resource!). When I'm on morning tea roster for play-group or Bible study, sometimes I just buy something. I don't "do it all" everyday or every week. Trying to make myself would just make me overwhelmed and defeated. Some days I prioritise just playing with our kids. Some days I prioritise getting jobs done, but never all of it everyday.
• Being (realistically) optimistic - I don't have my head in the clouds, but I do generally have a hope/ expectation, that things will work out well. I try to think about what I have achieved, rather than what I haven't achieved, or the positives of a situation, rather than the negatives. Focusing on blessings has a big impact on contentment.
• Not focusing on happiness - a couple of years ago, someone I know (not a Christian) went to a conference on happiness. 3 whole days dedicated to trying to be happy. This person has spent a lot of time and money looking for happiness - and most of the things have been focused on herself - dredging up her past, learning to be assertive, meditating, etc etc. Guess what? She is still not all that happy. And, even the happiness conference (ironically) concluded that those who are the happiest do not focus on their own happiness, but on serving others... kind of what the Bible has been saying all along!

Are you struggling with contentment? What things help you feel happy?


Disclaimer: Sometimes unhappiness is more than just unhappiness. Depression is very real and very common. Post-natal depression can still be an issue up to a couple of years after having a baby. If you think you are more than "unhappy", please see a doctor.  

I'm raving about vinegar (again!)

If you have been reading here for a while, you may recall my love of white vinegar - as a cleaning product (though it goes down pretty well on fish and chips too!). 

My version looks less pretty and more functional than this

To recap, white vinegar can be used to:

• Clean windows and mirrors - using a ratio of 1 part vinegar: 1 part warm water)
• Clean walls, hard floors and furniture (1 part vinegar: 3 parts water)
• Remove toilet stains (add 1 cup to the bowl, undiluted, leave for 30 minutes+, then use the toilet brush)
• Attack mildew and soap scum in the bathroom - mix 2 tablespoons salt with 1 teaspoon vinegar, or just use a vinegar/ water mix as above
• Add 1/4 cup to washing machine to make towels fluffy and soft (I always forget to do this one!)
• Use instead of rinse aid in your dishwasher

 And, when surfing Facebook recently, I came across another use for white vinegar:

• Use as as a soothing lotion on mosquito bites and other itchy areas. I haven't tried it yet, but apparently the vinegar will sting a bit on initial application, but then stop the itching. 

Have you tried white vinegar on itchy areas? Does it work?

Yawn.

Reading the newspaper a few weeks ago (or it could even be a few months ago), I came across an article about a recent study with findings similar to this 2002 study. (I couldn't find the link to the article I read, or the more recent study, sorry about that!)

The basic findings of both the 2002 study and the more recent one (2010?) were that women who slept 6-7 hours per night lived longer than those who slept fewer than 6 hours, or more than 7 hours (i.e. having 6-7 hours per night is the optimum amount of sleep for adult women). The women who slept fewer than 5 hours or more than 8 hours had the lowest life expectancies when all other variables were removed.

Although I have no idea how my lifespan will be impacted, I know that I feel best on about 7 hours of sleep. (I would really prefer 7 uninterrupted hours, but at the moment I have to content myself with 7 hours split into 2 and 3 hour lots) I have always found that I am more drowsy on 8 or more hours of sleep (not that I have experienced that in a while!) while I find it hard to think straight and get grumpy on less than about 6.5 hours of sleep. I definitely think these studies are on to something!

How much sleep do you get? How much would you have in an ideal world?

Quick tip: Got smelly feet?

 

It seems that watching Dr. Phil can sometimes be educational.

Smelly feet is already a problem for my 20 month old son. It runs in the family. (I won't reveal from which side!) Here is what I learnt recently for "curing" smelly feet:

Soak feet for 30 minutes in (cooled) black tea. Repeat each day for one week. After the week of treatment, do again as needed.

Now I just need a quick tip for getting a 20 month old to keep his feet still for 30 minutes! Anyone?