There is no doubt that with the arrival of children, a woman's life goes through a lot of change. A new mum will often leave or reduce her time in the work-force. She will crave sleep more than anything else in the world. She will rarely go out of the house after 5pm... Add more children to the mix and it only gets worse.
Sometimes we forget about just how many changes a new dad goes through. Sometimes in all the mother's groups and breastfeeding support groups and programs for post-natal depression etc, dads are sort of left behind.
Maybe in years gone by, a dad's life didn't change all that much. It was under 2 generations ago that dads didn't even enter the labour ward. Perhaps in those days dads just continued about their business, going to work, coming home to find dinner on the table, going out with their friends... But, dads these days cannot get away with this lack of involvement. I don't know a single friend who did not have her baby's father with her during her labour. We share stories of how wonderful our husbands are when they change nappies, cook dinner, vacuum floors, clean toilets. But on the other hand we groan about the husbands who leave their dirty socks on the floor, who don't notice the crumbs on the table, who only change 1 nappy to every 10 that we mothers change.
There has been a recurring theme in some of my conversations with friends lately. We have started noticing how hard it is for our husbands. Once upon a time, our husbands lived with their mothers (and fathers). They were often cleaned-up after. They were cooked for. They slept when they wanted to sleep and even slept in on weekends. Once upon a time our husbands went to school, or uni. They may have had a low-responsibility part-time job. They didn't supervise people or take responsibility for others at work. They weren't in charge of million dollar accounts, or schools, or churches, or businesses. Once upon a time, they didn't have mortgages. They didn't have bills that demanded to be paid month after month. They didn't have one, or two, or three, or four, or more people relying on them to provide them with shelter and clothing and food. They could spend their money on entertainment, or brand-label clothes, or a ridiculous car, or a hobby. They could see their friends often and enjoy deeper levels of male friendship. They could exercise whenever they felt the need. They could play team sport(s). They could train every night if they wanted to do so. They could be heavily involved at church. They could lead youth group, and Bible study and Sunday school. They could be at church every night.
But suddenly, our men wake up with a wife, 3 kids, a dog, a mortgage and a responsible job. It is a hard feeling - the heavy weight of responsibility on their shoulders. Sometimes I think women forget how hard it is for our husbands. Work is hard, time management is hard, friendships are hard, parenting is hard, marriage can be hard...
I am so thankful for my husband and all the responsibility on his shoulders. Too often I take him for granted. But, I'm also thankful that there is one with stronger and broader shoulders still.
